Disappearing is such a comforting thought

Now dont get me wrong, I dont wish to kill myself, atleast maybe not yet. Y’know I dont have the same pains as everybody else here, I simply have a lack of motivation and feelings. Maybe that’s led me down to this swirling depressing road. God, I feel nothing most of the time, even now I feel nothing while writing this, it just feels like I’m an empty lonely vessel. I know my family loves me, I know my friends love me, but I cant help but feel empty, I’ve always hurt others without realizing it, and once I do? I feel nothing. I feel no regret, joy, or sadness. Whenever something happens I simply shrug it off, no matter what, I feel nothing about it. Whenever I wake up I feel sluggish, like I should do something. Make something of my life somehow, but I don’t. I simply run to the computer and talk with my internet friends. While I do I feel.. happy, like they gave me a purpose, or feelings. Ah, this has been happening for years and years. Since I was 9 I guess, and I’m now 14. I just don’t know anymore, my grades have been dropping, my motivation dropping, and my empathy? I guess I hardly had it. Even now I don’t remember being hugged by my father or mother, I honestly can’t remember them being there for me at all. But I know, I know they work long shifts for me, for me to get an education and succeed. Yet I can’t help but feel empty. I just want to disappear, so I can sort everything out, but reality is cruel. It won’t stop time for me, I won’t be whisked to another place where I will feel.. better about myself. It simply goes on and on, without regards for those who are suffering, as if mocking me, “get up and move on, you’re just being a baby.”