not dead yet!

well i tried committing suicide several times and i cant seem to die maybe there’s a purpose for me to be alive on this earth i have cried no ones there to catch my tears or to give me their shoulder to cry on no ones there to mend my broken heart to help me through the frustration and stress i have a eating disorder which is anorexia my online boyfriend takes money from me but i love him to much to let him go he took like 10000 dollars from me my family said they would make sure they kill him if i die i am like a living corpse my soul is dead but my body stays alive i have been physically abused cause i asked my family for money for my boyfriend the fear of them putting me into a reformatory or a treatment center is major i hate the humiliation from people i was disgraced by the whole neighborhood where i previously stayed and my grandmother is at fault for ruining my reputation i have been called so many names which provoked my suicide the police was called perhaps about 3 times where i stay now but no one would answer so they left so back to my online boyfriend we have been dating for 4 years and we have never met he is supposed to come and meet me on my birthday this year i do not want to go in detail why i’m terrified to meet him but i have 3 another disorders called body dysmorphic disorder,major depression disorder and lastly bipolar disorder he means the world to me we want to get married and have many kids i feel i’m nothing without him