So tired and hopeless

With everything that’s happened in my life, and everything that’s currently going on at this point, life just seems so hard. I know that thinking like this is being the typical teenager (“my world is OVER!!!”) but that’s just how it feels when I’m sitting here thinking about things that are bothering me and making me frustrated. Normally, I’d try to push all these feelings aside and just disregard them and pretend they don’t matter, but since going to therapy, it’s caused me to think about things more and try to figure out why i am feeling certain ways and what not. And honestly, that’s a LOT harder than to just push everything aside and get on with life. I miss the old me, the one that was strong and could handle anything that came my way and didn’t need someone else’s shoulder to cry on, and i feel like i resent therapy because i feel that it has made me weak and easily broken, someone that i never wanted to be. And thinking about things is making me feel insane and like I’m ready to explode from all the anger and lately when this happens, it scares me that my first resort is thinking of killing myself. I just get so fed up with all the crap that happens, especially when it seems to be all at once, and i feel that its unnecessary and pointless to struggle so hard through all the pain and crap. I get so paranoid thinking about who in this world can i honestly trust completely, and i just see so many aspects where there is room for manipulation and corruption that I feel helpless and unable to reach out and find some truth and comfort. Its just so hard and I’m at the point where I’m burned out, i don’t know how much longer ill take this…