This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. What can I do except rot here on the floor while everyone’s lives continue till their end. I AM NOT MEANT TO BE. there must have been a mistake the wrong soul entered this body at the wrong time, my soul wasn’t meant to live now, and so it shall die within me before I am 17.
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You are in pain. It is difficult to get real perspective. Resist the temptation to believe that you have sufficient insight to know that you are not MEANT TO BE. Certainly the pain is not meant to be by a benign Creator. Therefore, if there is a benign Creator, there must be a way to escape the state of pain. Jesus suggests forgiveness; 70 x 7.
I cannot forgive those who have hurt me, they brought to much pain upon me and it will forever reign over me.
as hard as it is, you should. I held hate for some people for 20 years, but eventually i forgave them.
@ I am not of this world
It’s really strange; I turned 18 this August, and a lot of the things you said in this post ran almost word for word through my mind. If you’re anything like me, I know what GW said isn’t going to make you feel any better. In fact, you’re probably feeling more vengeful, controlled by uncontrollable forces, despised, hated, and isolated.
Saying things like “it will forever reign over me” and “it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to”…jeez, I just can’t get over how eerily similar you sound to me from the past. But you know, lemme give you some words of advice. Saying powerful statements concerning yourself only aggravate your own feelings. By psyching yourself up, you’re suffering more then you need to be.
I’m not some kind of guy who’s now miraculously better. I haven’t been saved by any god, or crap like that. In fact, I’m planning suicide during Christmas break when my family will be gone, so obviously, my friend, if I’m telling you that you’re talking like me, that’s some concerning shit right there.
But, that said, let me give you my own viewpoint on the matter. If I were you, I would sit back. Breathe. Concentrate on emptying your mind. Then, slowly, start entertaining the notion that perhaps what has been done to you doesn’t really matter. In the long run, you’ll die, and all your efforts and sufferings will be lost in history and forgotten.
If you wanna kill yourself, hey, I’m not stopping you. But remember, everyone dies, one way or another. Anyone can be killed. When I think of my own mortality, and feel the tingling anticipation of being drowned under the waves–when my lungs contract involuntarily and I gasp for air, imagining that, some day, all my gasping will be useless, I feel a little courage. Courage to bear my pain, and remember it’s insignificance. And with that courage, I can go on.
Maybe the same process will work for you.
I feel the same way…you have to wonder just how many of us out there feel the same thing.
…but you are just 17, so don’t do anything to yourself at least until you get the hell out of the bullshit that is High School. Quit if you have to. It’s not that damn hard to get a g.e.d. and go to college later if you want to. There is a whole world that people don’t want you to see and know about and if you take some time and plan your escape with a job, a plan, a place to stay and some type of support from a friend, family member, church,etc. you will see that you do have options. If you can finish school first, then do it. But don’t do it at the price of your sanity. Give yourself permission to take a chance and move on to a better place. If you cannot find a better place, then make one.
I’ve just, I’ve tried so hard to forgive and forget but the people just keep entering my life and don’t seem to leave with out a fight no matter how much I beg them to leave. I’m 17 in less than a week and I don’t know if I can will myself to stay alive when everyone is at work, I’ve saved up so many different pain killers and know which blades are the sharpest, It’s not that I don’t have the guts to do….I just don’t want the person to find me to be a sibling.
If you can’t forgive the people who hurt you, then at least live so that you may prove them wrong about you. If you don’t mind talking about it, how did they hurt you?
I have quit school, exams finally finished this week, I’m almost free, it’s true I started losing my sanity last year and if I had to go back next year, there is no doubt in my mind people would be going to my funeral and my oldest brothers wedding would be a sad event but I’ve still felt as though it was only slightly contributing to the problem. I’ve tried creating my own freedom, parents eased up on how strict they were but then tightened more when I tried to overdose. I pushed away my friends and I am building my walls everyday, people are noticing and they don’t like it but I do, I will never let myself fall for another girl and get hurt when she finds someone else, I am a girl and I’m not that cruel but I guess it goes to show that I am worthless to people and have no purpose for anything
You’re not worthless, you’re just hurt. I know it’s hard, and I also know that the words of a random person on the internet might not mean much, but you have to push through the pain to experience pleasure. You have to create your own purpose in life, and you can, no matter how incapable you think you are. I can’t say much about your parents given that I don’t know them, but it sounds like they were just worried about you. Try to wait until you’re 18. I’m not saying that things will automatically get better when you turn 18, because odds are they won’t, but you will have more freedom, legally and likely within your family. And as for girls, it might sound cliché, but you can find someone who loves you for you, including parts of you that you might not even like.
I understand how you feel though. I constantly feel worthless, like my life has no meaning. My situation is slowly improving though, so things seem a little less hopeless, which is a pretty great start. Sometimes you just have to take things one step at a time. Sorry if I’m rambling, I just wanted to get all of that out there.
I just wish I could escape right now.Thank you, you make more sense than most people at this time.
I can relate. Just hold on. And thank you, I’m glad to hear it.
I understand!!!!