All I can think about is death selfharm ing dosent help anymore it hasn’t been this bad in forever…I can just see myself doing it and feeling nothing I just want everything to be over and done with I can’t do this anymore im a failure a worthless whore fuck up who’d be better in the ground at least doing somethin. Right…..
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this is what we all want. so, what r u waiting for?
Can you see that there is a difference between, being fixated on annihilating one’s self and actually desiring death?
Death is all around and finding it is not difficult. Fixation is the attempt to exclude all thoughts of life, while focusing on the dream of peace from death. In the meantime, there is deep conflict generated between the thoughts of death and life. This “friction” causes tremendous pain, while giving the thinker the delusion that he/she really seeks peace. Getting this? The thinker claims to seek peace, but generates a tortured mind, but does not see that he/she is the source.
So there it is, sweetheart: we know, and everyone knows, that you do not desire death “whole heartedly.” Your insistence that you do is not being honest with yourself. Now you know that we know.
So what can you do? Of course, you are free to do whatever you want. The price for this is that you can no longer say that you are compelled by outside forces, but actually are not a victim. If you are not a victim of a cruel world that brutalizes you, then you are not justified in hating others and yourself and have no basis to kill yourself.
A world of seeming cruelty awaits your own personal awakening to the fact of your own freedom, so that it can be free.
G.W.
Does G.W. stand for George W Bush?
I started having obsessive thoughts about suicide when I was a kid. My first suicide attempt was at 11. I understand what its like to be completely overwhelmed by thoughts of killing yourself–feeling like a failure and wanting everything to just end. Its a miserable way to live–not truly living, more like just existing. My suicide thoughts let up about 1 year ago. I still have bad thoughts but I’m not as overwhelmed by them. Somehow, I came to the realization that I’d never be able to escape my thoughts and so I got better at just letting them play themselves out in my head without attaching as much meaning to them. Accepting my screwed up life as my lot and trying to make the most out of it in spite of my poor odds has made me a little happier. I hope you can come to some type of acceptance of yourself and maybe then be able to distance yourself from the suicidal thoughts. They are thoughts–just thoughts–you don’t have to take action on them. Please look for some type of goodness in your life–if you dig deep enough you will find some peace. Don’t give up on yourself. There is hope–things can get better–ride this out–hang on to life because it will change…