In the beginning but latterly more depressing. I found out that it was actually my own mind that was deteriorating and no one else or the internet was to blame. You’re meant to be needy/nice, like everything and appreciate random strangers or at least be able to find some happiness in your own life for things to work out on here.
Sort of… sometimes… but not really. My suicidal thoughts are intentional, not involuntary. When there are less of them, it’s because i’m choosing other thoughts. I realize that’s likely different than how many of you feel; there seems to be a common theme here, in which various members seem to be involuntarily afflicted by storms of unwanted thoughts, rather than choosing the contents of their minds. But there are also those who seem to intentionally fixate and dwell on, even obsessing about, manifesting as much negativity within themselves as possible, and then portraying it as an affliction, when it is actually just the result of their desire to fill their own minds with horror and torment.
The occasional or incidental reduction of my own suicidal thoughts is a direct result of choosing to control my thoughts and think of other things, or simply nothing at all; that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sometimes it’s all i can think about, when the frustration and disgust reaches profoundly discouraging levels, to the point where i just don’t think anything more, worth living for, will ever come of all this.
But it’s not “the thoughts” that are the problem; the thoughts are merely symptoms of the real problems. I can handle thoughts just fine. It’s real life that actually bothers me so much.
It has not helped reduce them… but in a weird way it has reduced the “guilt” of wanting to do it, by seeing i’m not the only one feeling like this… and at the same time that has made be feel a bit better, difficult to explain, but i guess it has helped me to endure the time between wanting to give it another try, and when i actually do it (if i ever do it)
Nope. It’s just given me comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
The only thing that will reduce my suicidal desires is if my life gets better. If something, or someone, of value comes into my life and gives meaning to it where there was previously none – then perhaps I’ll feel differently.
But I still feel like a worthless person living a meaningless and miserable existence. Same as before I discovered this website.
9 comments
Nope. It’s just helped me not feel so alone with my misery. I guess it’s a little comforting to see so many other people going through this.
i made my decision before finding this site, & this site helped towards doing it.
send me an email and i’ll tell you about it. howfrail at gmail dot com
Yes it has. To the point that I no longer want to kill myself. I just want someone else to do it for me.
Hmm… I can’t say my emotional disturbances are tied to this site. It doesn’t really affect me one way or the other.
In the beginning but latterly more depressing. I found out that it was actually my own mind that was deteriorating and no one else or the internet was to blame. You’re meant to be needy/nice, like everything and appreciate random strangers or at least be able to find some happiness in your own life for things to work out on here.
Sort of… sometimes… but not really. My suicidal thoughts are intentional, not involuntary. When there are less of them, it’s because i’m choosing other thoughts. I realize that’s likely different than how many of you feel; there seems to be a common theme here, in which various members seem to be involuntarily afflicted by storms of unwanted thoughts, rather than choosing the contents of their minds. But there are also those who seem to intentionally fixate and dwell on, even obsessing about, manifesting as much negativity within themselves as possible, and then portraying it as an affliction, when it is actually just the result of their desire to fill their own minds with horror and torment.
The occasional or incidental reduction of my own suicidal thoughts is a direct result of choosing to control my thoughts and think of other things, or simply nothing at all; that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sometimes it’s all i can think about, when the frustration and disgust reaches profoundly discouraging levels, to the point where i just don’t think anything more, worth living for, will ever come of all this.
But it’s not “the thoughts” that are the problem; the thoughts are merely symptoms of the real problems. I can handle thoughts just fine. It’s real life that actually bothers me so much.
It has not helped reduce them… but in a weird way it has reduced the “guilt” of wanting to do it, by seeing i’m not the only one feeling like this… and at the same time that has made be feel a bit better, difficult to explain, but i guess it has helped me to endure the time between wanting to give it another try, and when i actually do it (if i ever do it)
Nope. It’s just given me comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
The only thing that will reduce my suicidal desires is if my life gets better. If something, or someone, of value comes into my life and gives meaning to it where there was previously none – then perhaps I’ll feel differently.
But I still feel like a worthless person living a meaningless and miserable existence. Same as before I discovered this website.