I had a whole week to myself, no work no obligations no bullshit but things just got worse. And now that time is gone. I hurt more than ever. And I have to get up tomorrow and go through the painful process of dressing for work and getting there just to face the self-absorbed lying backstabbing assholes that feed on other humans. I fucking hate them. I try so hard to do what I have to do and because I don’t play their head games and I am somewhat honest they see me as a threat. I’m not the best person on the planet but I try to do what I know is right and bad people want me to look worse than they do so they concoct lies and manipulate people. Why do they bring their fractured egos to the workplace and expect the rest of us to kiss their asses? I have to either let go and let them walk all over me and the company or I have to fight back. I’m too physically and emotionally weak to pound the street looking for another job – it would just be more of the same anyway. Nobody has any values anymore. It’s all about faking it and taking what they want – I can’t stand it anymore.
I just can’t.
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Yeah, I can’t either. It’s literally making me sick. I can no longer work anymore. I have frequent migraines that pills don’t help. I also get very hot and flustered when people lie/trick me into doing something I don’t want to do and I have a panic attack/keel over. I use to be able to contain myself and compose myself, but no more. I’m quitting today this afternoon and I know people will say that I’m lying or faking it or just plain lazy, but I have to put myself first. I have to want to live in order to survive. As of now I don’t want to live and hope that my headaches that have lasted over a year are in fact a tumor that will kill me. (wishful thinking, I know)
I agree with you, there’s far too much bullsh*t, lies and deception in the workplace.
That’s because the world we’re living in is called a dog-eat-dog world. Another reason why it’s virtually impossible to trust anyone EVER! Many times I still think about hanging myself. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t ponder this thought, but while we’re still alive it’s up to us to set an example by doing what’s right. As far as honesty goes, well Billy Joel said that “honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue”!
The older you get, the faster the time goes.
When i was young, i used to be so impatient, so hurried and rushed, so eager to get to the point where i could begin living.
But at some point in the last several years i began to feel like time was moving too fast, and that there was just no way i could do enough to keep up, let alone actually advance.
Now, weeks blow by and i get nothing done. I can barely concentrate or focus most of the time, and it takes me too long to do anything at all… and everything is too hard… and even if i do it all, it’s all not enough. I can’t stand the way most people are, and i physically cannot handle being around such infuriating, disgusting characteristics, and the influences they generate on their surroundings. I can’t stand how every person i could interact with IRL, begins their communications from invalid and false premises and assertions, and i would have to completely tear down their entire perceptual architecture, before they would even become able to understand anything i would want to communicate, or any of why they are wrong.
Everything is such bullshit. I don’t want to deal with any of it anymore.
I just want a way to make enough money to live separately from this profoundly obscene, profane, perverse, infuriatingly disgusting society. But in order to even afford survival, i have to be in their midst… suffering. That makes me not even want to survive, because it is pointless to work for something you don’t want, that only brings more suffering.
There is a way my friend. Mary Jane can set you free if you let sum green into your life. Think about it, you get to smoke for free plus earn all your money back. It’s the only thing that will save you in great financial distress and physical hardship. As long as you have at least 5-10 dedicated regular customers you will never have to get your hands dirty again. Watch out for the Feds though. Those scumbags are also on a payroll. Their only job is to hunt down the little guys who are only trying to make ends meet & smoke sum to relieve stress. All in all, however, I say fuck working for some rich prick. I’m guna do me and that’s that!
The working world is the worst part about existence in this world. If you’re an honest decent person it is a soul crushing experience 40+ hours every week. Lucky are the few who figure out how to make a living without hating every second of it.
Clevername said it so perfectly above. It literally makes my heart hurt and my stomach turn trying to interact with the rest of the world full of people who are only motivated by greed, profit, and doing whatever it takes to win. I have refused to work for a long while in my life now, but that of course has just created other problems. I literally used to almost black out at work because I just couldn’t handle dealing with soulless people for 8 hours a day. I would get so mad but knowing that you’d just get in trouble for releasing any of it, some days I would really start to feel like I wanted to pass out because it was so infuriating. You can make someone a million dollars and all they’re ever able to say is “couldn’t you have made a million and 1 today?”. You can show up early and stay late and all they can say is “can you maybe stay a little longer tonight?”
Also very well put, it is impossible to make yourself want to succeed at something when it isn’t something you want to be involved with in the first place.
I hate working and it has nothing to do with laziness. I hate having to work for someone else period, but accepting that as an inevitable fact, all I ever wanted was the type of boss who could appreciate your efforts instead of always putting you down and treating you like trash. There were other lower level managers at my last job who were nice like that, one or two people who were so overwhelmingly friendly, all the customers liked them more too, not just the employees. They would do things for us, buy us food towards the end of our shift, etc. But the higher level bosses were mean to everyone, even customers. I could never understand how the management couldn’t wrap their minds around the fact that they would get more success, more customers, and better results, if they were nice people. I try to understand that bosses are just under pressure from the people who are higher up above them, but all it creates is this chain reaction of everyone being crappy towards the people below them.
And all I ever felt was that the only way to win at work was to allow yourself to turn over to the dark side as well. Start being mean. Start avoiding work and hiding where the managers can’t find you so that someone else gets stuck doing it. Show up late, sneak out early, work at a slower rate that won’t kill you no matter how much other people yell at you. But that feels like an empty victory, having to turn into a jerk yourself just to survive in a world of jerks.
Nothing, nothing on this planet has disgusted me more than my experiences at all the different jobs I have tried to have. Every time I started something new I had hope that it would be different, I left my stressful career and tried to find jobs at smaller places where I couldn’t imagine that the work environment would have any reason to be stressful or negative, but even at these places, the people in charge are still just soulless demons who only see you as a piece of machinery to make them money.
I obviously can’t just go on not working. I have gotten myself into debt and now have a big gap in my work history that would probably turn people off from ever hiring me. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could think of some way to make a living that doesn’t involve feeling like your spirit is being crushed every morning when you leave your house for another round of abuse. I would honestly rather die than have to submit to it, and that’s not just an empty statement, that’s pretty much literally what I’ve been doing. My life is going down the drain by societal standards but at least I am in control of it. You can’t have much for yourself when you aren’t bringing a paycheck home but I would much rather go out this way than to submit to that torture again. I was just about to type “I have to think of some skill to make a living for myself without dealing with all the crap”, but that goes back to that feeling of how to convince yourself to want something that you don’t even want. I don’t want to have to turn myself into nothing but a “skill” that other people will give me their money to do something for them. I want to work doing something fulfilling with more of a meaning than just making more money than your competitors. It’s a dog eat dog world but I don’t feel like being a dog. I don’t have a killer instinct and I don’t like being dishonest just to make money.
I too would just like some magical way to have enough money to go exist somewhere where I don’t even have to be a part of this. The world doesn’t like me and I don’t like them.
Exactly.
I just want to be able to trade contributions of effort to something i can actually feel good about, in exchange for being able to support myself.
I have a serious moral aversion to working in fast food, for example, because fast food is unhealthy. I feel like such low pay is not enough to acceptably justify poisoning thousands of people on a daily basis. I don’t even want to do it at all, but if i were to work toward making lots of other people unhealthy for their own convenience, then i want to be paid very highly for it, because it’ll eat me up inside, and having anything gnawing at my conscience is only worth submitting to, if i am acceptably compensated. I don’t want to do that, because it’s BAD! And i won’t do bad things unless the gains are “worth it,” which is actually pretty rare.
My work ethic is impeccable, however. When i agree to do a job, i do the hell out of it. But it seems like they all want maximum effort for minimum compensation, and then they act like they resent you for having to pay you anything at all, even the minimum legally allowable amount. I refuse to spend my life being treated that way, especially when i’m so much more sensitive to it, and more aware of it, than most people.
Like i’ve said before: the world doesn’t want smart sensitive people; they want reliable mindless automatons who follow orders unquestioningly. And the only other way to get by, is to be smart enough and have access to the right tools and resources, which allow you to create your own exploitative system, so that you can use those reliable mindless automatons to accomplish your own acquisition of wealth. You have to build something that lots of people (who have discretionary income) will want, and then offload the efforts to keep it running, without eating up too much of your profits. Then, and only then, will you have enough resources to keep yourself in the conditions in which others will “respect” or find you “appealing.”
Ugh.
I just got an email, thought it was a scam. Evidently it is legit, but its for a position I don’t believe I can handle right now because of all of the stress I am under (my memory, concentration).
All I car about now is to basically “get my” with a low stress job, something my mind can handle.
Yes, the working world is a horrible place for most, unless you are fortunate enough to work alone as I did in my past job, as a project manager. I didnt have to deal with rude people, I did science work.
Most people just work to live, live to work. You are correct about most just stepping on others. I witnessed that when I took a part time job at a marine store. It was my first experience with “employees and management”. I didnt need that extra money at the time and so leaving it wasnt a big deal. I was disgusted at what I saw, the way they treated each other. I was glad to leave.
@spiritdying: i find myself in the same situation you are in, a big gap on my work history and no one would hire me… funnily the only town where i know i would get hired right away is the only place i can’t go to (chances of bumping into someone i just can’t see are too strong, same as some memories i need to forget).
And still, i despise the current work world, i see no gain in waking up to work in something i dislike, around people who just care about stupid things or would just stab you on the back at the first chance they could if it helps them in any way. Out of all the times i’ve worked in normal places, i’ve ended up leaving each time, even if my superiors like the way i work, or ask me to stay.
I really feel related to what you all say, because it is not out of lazyness (i bust my ass off to do things right when needed when i commit to it), but i just don’t see enough motivation in dealing with disgusting things in an already not so pleasant life.