How I relieve the pain

I am not sure how to start this post, I suppose I’ll just write what I feel like usual. Atleast how I relieve this pain of being neglected, hated etc. I usually swim it off me or I spend time with animals since they don’t judge, but the biggest one which might cover 50% of relieving this pain is Art, drawing, sketching, painting, knitting, creative writing, sewing. It just relieves so much. Especially painting, because it makes me concentrate on something other than the pain, it makes me concentrate on getting the correct colour for the painting so I don’t mess it up (although I always think I mess it up somehow) I sometimes end up doing the same painting three or four times so that I get very good at it. It makes me feel a type of happiness and lightness when I paint. Another way is that I swim, I’m a competitive swimmer and hope (if I survive) that I could possibly swim in the olympics once I’m old enough for Norway (my country), my stamina isn’t great and my speed is alright. My technique is close to perfect. I spend a lot of my time just getting for, staying thin, so that I’ll get better and better at it. So far I’ve gotten two bronze medals, which I am very proud of, and I hope that on my next competition I’ll win gold or silver.
Another way is actually reading because I zone out and “become” the person in the book in a way. I got a few other ways to relieve the pain… But… Art is the biggest one and now I’ve learnt that next year, I have to give up art in school so that I can become a vet. I really really want to be a vet but I really really want to take art too… So right now, I’m breaking down all the time, even infront of my friends which I have never done before. But with someone younger (like Isaac) I keep a smile on my face because I feel like I should be the older one and not break down infront of him, human instinct I suppose. But with my older friends/same age friends, I break down like *snaps fingers* that.
It’s hurts too much to give up art so I might as well kill myself on my dogs date of death which is at the very end of the summer holidays… Without art, I’ll die.