I fail at life, i have no family, im not very important to anyone.

I really wish I didn’t have to die, but I see suicide as my only option. I am 17.

I ranaway from my abusive home about 5 months ago.

I’ve entirely  lost my own identity and am losing my memory allot.

I only have painful memories now and when I try and sleep I have horrible nightmares, so i refuse to sleep now.

I seem to be letting down everyone around me, my boyfriend of two years, even myself. i just have no energy to do anything anymore, people just call me pathetic, some people really wouldn’t care if i  died some would actually encourage it.

I have like no motivation or energy at all, it’s like lifting my arm is a hard effort.

I am skinny and I guess I eat alright, mainly just noodles and salad and other vegs cause I’m  a college student,

I also suck compared to the other students everyone else is doing so well, their like on their forth assessment on the forth sector

and im on the first sector of the second assignment, it’s really hard to get anything done, it’s ridiculous.

I am entirely lonely, i dont have any close friends.

my boyfriends always busy and always annoyed cause lately all I can do is talk about how depressed I feel, he tries to give advice, but it doesn’t help at all it just makes things worse, cause i know he is just trying to get me to stop being depressed and move on instantaniously, hes had depression before too so its not like he doesnt understand it, it’s not like he actually cares how i feel, atleast thats the way i see it.

its not like im dependant on other people. im just in allot of pain and wish someone would just stop what their doing and care and listen and try and understand, maybe invite me into their life more and fill me with some love. maybe im asking for too much, but no one has ever loved me properly ever before.

as in let me in their heart and be kind.

that i am a failure and my boyfriends family puts unrealistic expectations on me, i love my boyfriend and I’m already alone enough as it is, so it’s not like i have a choice to stand up against it.

I probably don’t make any sense.

but it kills me inside all my stupid problems, people say just change your views to something more positive. for hells sake i have tried.

what hurts the most is i dont have family and i cant trust anyone anymore.

I am only 17 and i am already practically dead inside, i’ve seen millions of councilors but none ever help.

I just wanted a life where I had a family a job and kids and a house to live in, no one had to be perfect, aslong as they werent abusive, i just needed someone to love me and give me attention and let me know i am worth something and important and dont just fail at everything.

i see suicide as the answer the only way to end all the crap now.

i really wish i could’ve lived a successful life.

i really wanted to be a social worker…

but there’s just nothing in me……. i’m nobody.