anger

The instance described in the OP tend to make me want to stab the unjustified face-spitter, exponentially more than myself. But that would incur consequences i’d rather avoid, so i “can’t do that” (even though i totally could… i’m just choosing not to make it even worse by giving someone a well-deserved and disproportionately excessive retaliation).

And at that point, is when it becomes about making an exit. I don’t actually want to hurt myself, but it’s quite clear that “most people” would prefer for me to feel bad about myself, and to impose their will upon me, my environment, and my circumstances, thereby manipulating my life into something i don’t want it to be, which is more compatible with their preferences.

Lots of people seem to believe “anger is bad,” but it really isn’t; it’s a natural and appropriate emotional response to affronts which should not be tolerated… and being trapped in a system where compulsory tolerance or marginally effective partial-avoidance are the only options, due to the severity of the consequences for retaliation, sort of makes it feel like “anywhere but here,” “anything but this,” would surely be better… or at least less bad.

Anger-based self-harm (such as in the OP), seems to be based more on sacrificing to avoid even worse consequences, rather than actual “self-hate.”

People act like anger is such a bad thing… but if you don’t get angry at injustice, or when affronted, then that pretty much means you don’t value yourself or others. So we can extrapolate that anyone who demands you shouldn’t be rightfully angry, is actually insisting that you shouldn’t care about yourself, and should resign to silent complicity, in the face of their transgressions. How infuriating.