I’m sick and tired of the people in my life. I hate the fact that I have a stutter (speech impediment) that hinders my ability to have an actual conversation with anyone. I hate the fact that my own damn parents treat me like an outcast because I lack self-esteem, confidence or any redeeming qualities that they could be proud of that my younger sister possess. I hate the fact that I can spend most of my time in my room feeling deeply depressed while everyone pretends my problems don’t matter.
I have tried on several occassions to talk with my parents about my problem and how I truly feel, but it has led to nothing but arguments on their part and how my problems are my own fault. My parents have destroyed any sense of confidence I could ever have and it just bugs me how they spoil my younger sister with attention as if she was the only child.
I already know my father is ashamed of me just by the way he acts around me and his friends and the people he works with. When it’s just him and myself, we rarely talk. If it’s him and my mother,sister, or anyone else there is always some type of conversation going on accompanied by laughter. My mother is just the same: she rather spend her time with her daughter and could care less if I don’t say anything to her for the entire day.
Regardless if I’m at home or at school, it’s all the same: no one gives a rat’s ass about me no matter how hard I struggle to communicate or fit in. I’m fucking tired of feeling like this every single damn day and this stupid belief that things are going to get better only makes me angrier. I just want to escape because I can’t take this anymore…
4 comments
Being ‘different’ in some way can make things difficult. I’ve dealt with shyness, introversion, and I suspect Aspergers my whole life, which sets you apart from the main stream. I know it must be hard with your stuttering. People can and are cruel to others that are different in some way, and it’s particularly bad as a kid or teenager. I understand your frustration and hope you can find some relief somehow.l
Your parents clearly have their own problems. They may feel threatened that your stutter reflects badly on them and therefore is a source of shame. You should consider someone who is not “invested” in the situation. Perhaps the school counselor or a mentor? In any case, be confident that there anyone with an ounce of compassion would be honored to help you. Good luck.
G.W.
P.S. Have you seen “The King’s Speech”? An inspiring movie to watch every so often.
baby dont be afraid
you ll be fine and it ll get better with time
It’s time for you to leave your pity party, JustMe. I could poll every classroom in America and find one of you in just about every one of them. You are not alone and your situation is not unique. What will separate you from the rest is how you handle your situation- You can curl up in a ball, feel sorry for yourself, look for sympathy from others and find others that will enable your self-pity, and do nothing to help yourself OR you can make your mind up that you are a whole lot better than that and prove everyone wrong about you. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps, get some self-confidence, tell your teachers you want some help, go to the school counselor and ask them for help and resources, and put yourself out there to prove everyone wrong about you! Succeed and make YOU proud and everyone else will be proud, too. It just takes some courage. Of course nobody wants to be around you if all you do is have a pity party- but everyone likes a winner and YOU can be a WINNER. By the way… quit being jealous of your sister. Like it or not, most parents have favorites and you probably ARE a bore to be around in your current state of mind. Think how much everyone will want to be around you when you show them what all you CAN do and how smart you really are and how independent you really can be! The key is to reach out to the right people at school and don’t be shy about doing it- if you really want the help- ASK FOR IT. There are several services they can provide for you, but you won’t know about them if you don’t step up to the plate and tell them you want some help.