There is no good things in my brain anymore. It’s just filled with sadness, hate, envy, fear. In every part of it. It’s also in every cell of my body, it’s running in my blood, that you could barely feel this happening when standing next to me. It started small, and then spread. No one can stop this. No words you could say, no words I could listen would change any of it. It’s ruined. No happiness can be found. And that’s just a shame what is happening. Because I have the most beautiful soul (I was a very kind person) and it’s getting embarrassed of what paths I’m taking, and what is standing in my shoes.
There’s no life to be seen in my eyes. It’s often like staring at a big fucking nothing.
I have been told that I would be loved, and accepted, THAT I WOULDN’T BE ASKED TO CHANGE. And that everything would be alright, after every bad thing that already happened to me. But my life is very surprising. I never know what’s going to happen next. But I can only tell it’s something pretty fucked up. I’m not going to “TRY” to commit suicide anymore. It’s embarrassing when doctors treat me in such a pish way. I’m not taking none of this world’s shit anymore, i’ll just say “Bye, you guys. You suck. Thanks for nothing.”
And leave. REALLY LEAVE.
I’m only doing this if i’m sure that it will work.
Like guns. It’s very likely that I won’t survive.
I just don’t want to die slowly, on my beautiful inside. Getting what was once so alive, dirty, black, every feel, every part. What is killing me is my life. Painfully. Everyday, a new piece is taken.
And death is to be set free.
1 comment
Hey. Hope you’re still here, because god, do I relate to what you wrote about feeling like “there’s no good things in your brain anymore.” That is literally, exactly how I feel.
You were once a very kind person, you said. It sucks that this is what the world does to kind, sensitive people.