I hate myself. I am fat. None of my so-called friends bother to talk to me anymore, and I hate talking to people, so making new friends is out of the question. Everyday, I write words of hate and suffering on my arm, and everyday, my mom tells me to wash it off. If only she saw what I was writing. I went to the guidance counselor twice. She wasn’t much of a help.
My parents don’t care. My father’s never home, and my mother, just because she’s insecure and frustrated with her crappy life, lashes out on me. She’s abuses me in every way possible, except for sexually. She calls me fat, good-for-nothing. shitface. tells me to go to hell, whore, *****, and much more. She’s slapped me, pinched and punched me, kicked me, and once, she banged my head on a door several times. I couldn’t talk for a week thanks to that *****. I really want to die. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of crying in bathrooms. I’m sick of dropping hints to my friends about suicide. And when one of them actually picks up on it, they tell me it’s going to go away. It never goes away. I’ve been suicidal for most of my life and I’m only 13.
18 comments
I’ve been abused worse than that and sexually too. Don’t worry, It’ll make you stronger. You’re still young.. it will get better. You can always lose the weight too.. be thankful. I would rather be fat than have the problem I have. I won’t even get into that. You don’t want to be me 🙁
See if they can find a teen safe haven in your town. They should have a place for you to stay with a person you can talk to. You are 13 and know right from wrong. If there is no reason why your mother is abusing you and she is leaving marks and bruises you need to talk to your school counselor again (i know) and see if they have such a place. Stay there for a couple of weeks and see if your mother calms down. If your mothers fat too she is probably feeding you the same way she feeds herself. If you can get away for a bit and eat healthier and do some team sports (and you should even if you are fat) I am sure things will start to turn around for you.
@zeke2010 – I didn’t appreciate you calling me a fake btw..
@megs – I would try calling the cops. You don’t deserve that shit.
you are fake you been looking for someone to die with you for a long time at different locations. Give up!
The cops cant do anything if there is no signs of violence. The Cops get there and blame the kid. See it happen all the time. Megs needs to talk to someone who cares for her. The school is megs best bet.
Or him.
Zeke2010 – go fuck yourself.
seriously.. you are making people who already are wounerable, feeling like shit, and I bet some of them will end up killing themselves because of your hurting words. This is not a site to pick on people because you are feeling shitty yourself, this is a site to find comfort when you are so far down and don’t know how to get up again.
So if you are not planning to HELP people get UP THERE, go to hell, and don’t ever return here.
Zeke2010 – you have no right calling me a fake. You don’t even know me. Nice way for you to pass judgment. Read what I wrote you in my post that u commented earlier. What are you talking about that ive been posting on here for a long time? Ive only been on here for 2 months! And what locations are you talking about? Ive only been posting on here for the sf area!! I’ll continue to keep posting for partners til I find one so til then get your facts straight. Thanks.
@megs- do what you think is best for you.
@lixie – thank you! Exactly what I meant! He’s probably a troll. Some people have no sympathy.
See megs post Lixie? Did you READ IT? Megs has a REAL problem and needs REAL help. You are a stupid and you cut your self from what appears to reason other than your depressed. You control the blade Lixie not anyone else.
@zeke2010 – your a heartless asshole. Your trying to give megs advice and at the same time your criticizing lixie for cutting?? Your a moron and have no idea whAt your talking Bout. Really, jump off your high horse.
You don’t know my story.
You wanna know why I cut?
I’ve been raped by my father when I was 4 years old.
My ex-boyfriend mentally abused me, hit me and forced himself at me sexually.
Another ex of mine cheated on me and tried to choke me to death.
Right now I don’t have a job (believe me I’ve done everything that I could to get one), I have no more money, no food left, haven’t paid rent in two months and will probably get kicked out of here. I am 23 years old very soon, and I can’t move back to my mother.
I have a boyfriend who gives a shit about me and my past problems, and my friends are not helping me. Today I cut, to remove the pain I felt in my chest, in my heart.
Tell me I don’t have a real problem again, please. If you really think so.
@lixie- you don’t have to explain yourself to him. He’s a major dick cuz he’s most likely lacking in that department.
I know, but if he thinks I’m one of those cutting for attention I wanna tell him the real truth about me. Those things I mentioned are just a few of the things I’ve experienced in my life.
I could go on and on, but it would take to much time and energy to start ripping up those memories.
Ok. But you have a boyfriend who apparently gives a shit about you (to use your words). So why do you come here? I am sure he doesn’t want to see you with a blade in your hand and blood everywhere. What do you think will happen if he walks in on you cutting? How do you think he will feel? He doesn’t want to see you hurt. If you trust him( and by the looks of it trust will be hard to come by for you)let him in and help. He will. Someone who truly loves you will take more pain away then any blade will.
what I ment was he doesn’t give a shit about me.
he knows I’m hurting right now, we had a fight, and he has ignored me all day. If he saw me cut he would be crushed, that’s why he’ll never find out, and won’t see my arm until the wounds are healed.
Ok. So where things going your way until recently? I also hate asking this question but if he doesn’t give a shit about you why are you with him? There must be some benefit. Sharing living expenses?
nope, nothing. planning to break-up with him next time I see him, or hear from him.
Things were going very well until christmas.. Got a jobintervju tomorrow, hoping things will change 🙂 And don’t worry, I wont show my cuts, and the other scars I had are tattoed over and doesn’t show 🙂
Well then with that said I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for the best for you.