Well since I’m new here, I think it would be best to share some of my addictions. I have a few, as I assume you all do as well.
1. Self Harm (Cutting)
This act was one of the first things I did to harm my body. To be honest, this method didn’t soothe me. For some people, it allowed them to channel their pain, but for me, I feel like it just causes more pain on my part. I used to self harm a lot in middle school, so I thought I could try it again to see what would happen.I did, and it just made me feel worse. I have slight paranoia, so my deep fear was if someone found my cuts and would tell someone. I have to admit, this was a past addiction that I have overcome, but this is still something that I partially struggle with.
2. Strangulation
I think this a is strange thing I do, considering I haven’t heard anyone else do this other than myself. On some nights, when I feel really depressed and suicidal, I get a belt or a scarf and tighten it around my neck. I leave it there until I feel like I’m going to pass out or if my face is purple. I don’t really know how this came about, I just started to do it, and I kept doing it. Its very addictive to me. I’m not really sure why, but it is.
3. Writing ‘Notes’
Suicide notes are things that I write almost weekly. I find it slightly comforting for some reason. I typically write to my friends then my family. But usually when I start the note for my parents, I end up just pausing, because so much has happened to me that they have no idea about. So I find this hard to put into words, all the mistakes that led up to my death. My parents are the most clueless, so me killing myself would come as an enormous shock to them. After writing some notes, I usually burn them or flush them down a toilet. One time I even ate some notes, in fear that someone could find it if I flushed it and some sewer guys would find it or something, I know I’m paranoid.
4. Overdosing
This is my largest addiction. Overdosing is something I’m not as paranoid about. With self harming, you have a chance for someone to see your cuts. But with pills, no one can see anything wrong with you on the outside. I started heavily overdosing during the beginning of high school. It started out with small things like ibuprofen, then it moved to aspirin, then I started looking for more effective drugs in my medicine cabinet. In my house we have a giant basket dedicated to old prescriptions. So on days where I was home alone, I would have a field day searching through the old bottles and looking up what they were and how much I could take. The purpose of this was to hoard a stash, and to keep my body in pain. This type of pain made me feel good. Then one day I stumbled upon a very large bottle of what the doctor gives you after you get your wisdom teeth taken out. This is very powerful stuff, and I took almost half the bottle during school not knowing what it would do. I ended up in the hospital, twice. The doctors were complete idiots and they never found out. No one found out. After that, I have been about 1 year clean, until last week. This is my biggest addiction to this day.
These are my main addictions. I didn’t just post this for myself, I would like to know other peoples addictions as well. So comment below your top 4 addictions and your struggles with them.
4 comments
That strangulation sounds quite nasty. I don’t think you should keep doing it as it could be dangerous, especially if you do it till you almost pass out. If you’d actually pass out, it could mean your death or something even worse… Not that me stating the obvious would really help you stop, but still: please don’t do it.
As for my addictions, I don’t think I have any particular ones except perhaps coffee :P. I also may write notes time to time, but not to the degree I’d call it an addiction.
But that is the main reason I do it, to inflict pain on myself. That’s how I cope. And if I do pass out and die from it I don’t see an issue with that. I have been suicidal for a long time, and dying from that is unlikely, considering I have never passed out from it. But if I did i’d be okay with it.
Yes, the strangling thing is definitely different. It is funny how people make up things like that. Like when I started bruising myself (a common form of self harm as you would know) I had not heard about it because I was quite young and started doing it because it felt nice and looked pretty. Same as not eating and depression and all those pretty things. It is truly so ironic.
The strangulation. Im also addicted to it. The high when u almost lose consciousness, ur body trembling n the chills n u cant move. The things u hear the echoing sounds. N den i regain myself. Den i do it again to feel d ‘high’. I wonder whoelse does this.