Venting

My New Years resolution is to rise above all the fuckers that have brought me so low and then laugh at their pitiful way of living.

I mean my brother-in-law told me HE TOLD ME that I am poison for his household and don’t care about anyone but myself. This coming from the self riotous ASSHOLE who forgets to feed his dogs, refuses to feed the cats because he finds wet cat food disgusting, sits on his ass and plays video games all day, and picks fights with my sister because it helps him feel like a man. The only reason he told me I am poison? Because I didn’t want to walk the dogs while I was dog-sitting for them.

My brother-in-law told me the morning they got home that he was so pissed at me that I needed to walk away from him  because he was pissed at me and wanted to hurt me. I ran into my room, blocked the door, and did not come back out till it was time for me to go to work. I tell my sister about it and (thankfully) she tears him a new one and tells him to come apologize to me. HIS WAY OF APOLOGIZING? He came into my room, shut the door behind him, and explained to me in a very calm controlled matter why he thought I was no good for this family, how he often thinks about harming me, and that even though everyone has told him he is in the wrong he still feels that everything is my fault. I had a major breakdown. I threw him out of my room, re-blocked my door, curled up in a ball, and just started bawling. I had never been so scared as that moment.

I have been living with my sister and this man for almost 3 years now and he has been the root for many of my suicidal thoughts. He makes me feel like I am the shit beneath his boots. I have a full-time job, a car, and am a full-time student and all he does is stay at home and play on his computer. Yet I am the worthless one. The outcast that no one wants. I have nowhere to go and he knows it. He enjoys the fact that I have to watch what I say to him or how I act towards him because one wrong move and I am out on the streets. But this was the last straw. Watching my sister finally stick up for me made me realize-

FUCK SUICIDE. I will not give him the satisfaction of destroying myself. I have now made it my mission to move out, study hard, work harder and become someone. And when I have risen as far as I am able I will find my sister and this asshole and I will offer my sister freedom. I will show her how better her life can be. I will rip off her rose colored glasses and show her the grass can be greener on the other side and that sometimes it is better to let go of everyone and start a new. I may still get suicidal thoughts now and again but at least now I have a goal to help me get through the pain, lies, and bullshit. I have my light at the end of this dark tunnel.