I have 2 little girls and at the moment I am hanging on to their faces to get through hour by hour. What kind of parent even contemplates leaving their children behind? I must be some kind of monster… Is a depression ridden mother better than no mother at all? I just want this hurt to end…
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It’s only best not having a mother when the mother is a frequent abuser. Other then that, just about any mother is better then no mother. Your kids don’t see what you do. At least not yet. They are young and don’t understand mental hardship yet. But you are god in their eyes and love you dearly. I’m sure you can guess I also understand wanting pain to end but I’m gonna take a guess and imagine you would NEVER want your children to feel the pain that you do. You dying would only open the door to those feelings.
In a way we as humans are all monsters but you are not a bad person to think this way. Your kids are the best motivation any parent could have. I hope that love helps you lead into happiness.
“What kind of parent even contemplates leaving their children behind?”
The kind who should not have become a parent in the first place. Or, the kind who is a fine parent, but has an overwhelmingly unfortunate set of unbearable circumstances, which cause the cost of the burdens to outweigh the reward of endurance.
That doesn’t quite make you “a monster.” Stop acting so appalled. Most people are the same way, even if they don’t openly admit it.
“Is a depression ridden mother better than no mother at all?”
Probably, more often than not.
“I just want this hurt to end…”
Good luck with that.
Miss,
Keep those kids. By you leaving, that would open doors for them to feel the exact same pain as you are feeling. We wouldn’t want that, would we?
Is there any support groups or systems for you where you are located? Perhaps, that may help.
I am much younger than you, I believe, but if you would like, there is always an offer to talk, if you need me.
brl.cents@gmail.com
I hear you well. Make sure your children hear you also. Talk to them…they probably have the answers you’re looking for.
You need ally’s other than your children.
May the angelic faces of your little ones be the canvas upon which you paint the materpiece of your future life.
Much love.
Wow. I go through this everyday.
When I was thirteen my father killed himself. It was deviating and still is to some degree. But now, as an adult, I understand why he did it. I want to too, kill myself, but there’s my son…..
You are not a monster, if you care it shows you are a considerate person, some will not even worry about their kids and just leave them behind. And a mother, whatever she might be going through, is better than no mother.
I feel the same. My daughter is 2. Her dad died when I was 3 months pregnant. If I die she will end up under the care of social services. I went through that. She isnt. This is my hell and my burden for life and I can not accept it. It is turning me schizophrenic. Dont go where I am.