On wednesday I will have to go to School again. This is the Thing that I hate about the Holidays: They have an end. I Need to stand up at 6 am again,after three hours of sleep or so, covering my face with Makeup, getting dressed and catching the bus to hell. In School I’m just numb and trying to ignore everything and everyone. Talking to People that act like they would be interested in my life. I’m trying to make my parents proud with good grades, but nothing works I just can’t concentrate when the cold emptiness fills every single part of my Body. At the lunch break everyone goes to the Cafeteria, I stay in class with the other anorexic Girl from my class. She talks and talks and talks endlessly about herself and how perfect her life is. I know that she lies. i know that she’s depressed, too. I don’t say anything Special I just wait fot the end of the day. At 4 pm I can finally go home. I just want to be alone and listen to Music and drown in my thougths. Sometimes I meet one of my two last real friends, but not often… Because I’m the lone wolf.
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For a second I thought I was reading one of my diary entries. That’s how I feel with school too… I’m there to make people proud but I can’t even focus on my grades over how much I hate my life.
woof woof. As a fellow lone wolf I can relate to your story. Both in middle school and High school I felt that I was alone. The days dragged by and everyday was exactly the same. And the loneliness. It just kept increasing until I can feel it dragging my body down. Felt completely hollow and empty inside. But like you I dealt with my problems, the manner you chose. It does not work, and will destroy you eventually. Days where I couldn’t move my body out of bed because the depression was just too great. But there is a little bit of hope. You can try to reach out to the school therapist or a teacher that you trust. You can change that negative outlook you have and try something positive. Perhaps associating with new people, (sorry but some of your friends seem kinda fake) or creating art. One of the ways I came out of some of the depression is by doing the things mentioned. And pretty soon you’ll be wagging your tail in no time. If your having trouble please feel free to talk to me. I never want to see another person depressed at school.
I already See a therapist once a week.. But thanks for your sympathy! I’m already in recovery from anorexia and self injury but I often relapse, especially to Anorexia in school because there is no one who looks After me if i eat enough, but somehow I’ll get trough 🙂