this is my first post 🙂
okay..
what is perfection? how can something be perfect.. without any flaws?
my life is perfect.. im just existing in it and i see it as perfect, i love everything, everyone, no one is mean, no one makes me feel bad, outside, my life is so so.. wonderful. i have good grades, i have people i can call friends, im free.
inside, i hate myself. I lie to myself and im stupid enough to believe the lies; im ugly, im unwanted, im alone, im not worth anything, im suicidal, im depressed, im bipolar, im already long gone…
so perfection, it is really something that can not literally exist, only those who choose to beleive perfection exists will find it..
i dont like to break my promises, but i promised myself that i will die when im sixteen. im too guarded by my loved ones to kill myself. im too cautious to get in an accident, im trapped in a cage, one that is in my mind, i cant free myself and i cant identify how to fix my problems.. my new problem is not knowing my problems. nothing can free me and nothing can save me, ive trapped myself and wont let go, how can i endure the constant conflicting feelings about my death. everyone dies. everyone lives.
all i ask is that you love me <3