Today I went to my girlรขโฌโขs grave. There was also this old man, I had seen him when I walked onto the cemetery and somehow he apparently felt the need to walk over where I was standing. I saw him looking at the dates and heard him say that he was sorry. Sorry for what? You know what happened to her? Were you one of the truck drivers? I guess he only mend it supportive.
I whipped away all the leaves and added some new flowers so it ones again is something beautiful to look at. After this I stood up and looking down at the grave I felt a light burning sensation on a fingertip. I had a little cut on my right ring finger. Is this a sign?
Coming home I sat down for three hours at the table in the living room staring out of a window. Nobody wants to die. Itรขโฌโขs not an irrational decision Iรขโฌโขm about to make. I took a piece of paper and a pen, wanted to write my letter but couldnรขโฌโขt put down any words.
Out of every 10 thoughts Iรขโฌโขm having, 9 are related to killing myself and 1 about staying here, following the human instinct to keep on fighting.รย Instead of writing my letter I wrote down every reason I wanted to go and every reason I should stay. The balance leant over to staying with 34 reasons against 18 reasons why I should go. Nearly double the amount. But the 18 reasons weigh heavier than those 34 reasons to stay.
Not so long ago, I only donรขโฌโขt know who wrote it here on Sp, I read this following comment. รขโฌลJesus chose to die so why canรขโฌโขt we?รขโฌย Indeed, he chose to die for his people. And this is my decisive reason. He chose to die for his people, I choose to die for my girl.
49 comments
Sterkte man!
Im sorry to hear about your girl, its sad.
I do believe you got Jesus confused with your own thoughts and feelings….
Jesus came to die for our sins, Man as God with a purpose to come for that.
You are not God, never will be, and you aren’t dying for anyones sins, thats for sure.
@givemesomepeace
Bedankt!
@Wifeisgone
I know this may not be the right or perfect comparison. Iรขโฌโขm just to tired to keep trying, keep fighting and an holding on. Read my first post on here, it explains my pain.
If there is any God, none of us can lay a legitimate claim to the understanding of his purpose or plans. Likewise, neither could anyone know what are Not his plans.
It’s entirely possible that “God” exists, but is entirely evil. How would anyone know? Lots of people claim to “know” things, just because a book exists that claims itself as Truth.
“I am the way and the light.”
How do you know?
Perhaps, like many would suggest for my own situation: “God” has chosen to deliver the truth to you, in the least believable format, to test your faith.
You wouldn’t want to believe the second coming of christ was actually ME, an incredibly unlucky, miserable, unfortunate Atheist… but that is the same level of absurdity that all “believers” expect me to accept, and just believe, despite the sheer absurdity inherent in such notions.
For me to say that i believe i am the second coming, is just as absurd and upsetting to you, as your claims that god exists (and knowing i’m NOT the second coming), are completely absurd and upsetting, to me.
Many MANY people die “for” the “sins” of other people… but you have to understand the context of that “for,” and that it actually means “due to” or “because of.”
People die “due to” and “because of” other people’s heinous acts and inconsiderate transgressions, constantly. Probably 20+ people died while i was writing this comment. Most of them likely due to, because of (if indirectly), choices and actions of other people.
We all die “for” each other’s sins; Jesus “dying for our sins” didn’t correct the issue at all. People still suffer and die because of other people, and people still insist that “bad people” will burn for eternity in hell, due to their own sins.
It seems like nothing changed.
“God is evil”
That is where I stopped reading.
I didn’t say “is,” i said “could be.”
The point: “how do you know?”
Subjective reality + the sum of my experiences. God doesn’t contradict with any scientific or logical evidence you could bring forward.
You believe what your senses perceive is objective reality because of the exactly same reason.
clev, ive watched you analyze God and such so many times………. it gets old.
its simple.,,,, either you are a child of God or one of satan.
there is no middle ground. and that goes for everyone. even me.
.
so which one are you WIG?
Dutch, ik begrijp je volledig, ben ook iemand verloren. Ik probeer ook te vergeten en verder te gaan, niet zo simpel I know ๐
“clev, ive watched you analyze God and such so many timesรขโฌยฆรขโฌยฆรขโฌยฆ. it gets old.”
Oh, you mean… kinda like how it gets old for me to hear about your imaginary friend “god,” constantly?
What was that thing Jesus said about casting stones?
It’s similar to that thing about glass houses…
@givemesomepeace
Wat doe en/of probeer jij dan om elke dag door het leven te komen met deze gedachten?
@CDL:
“God doesnรขโฌโขt contradict with any scientific or logical evidence you could bring forward.”
Change that to “God doesnรขโฌโขt contradict with anything you could say that i will allow myself to accept as valid.”
For me, it’s more like: “Everything that can be defined as valid, both shows and contradicts continued belief in what is not evidenced.”
If i allow your opinion that belief in god legitimately makes sense, then you should allow my opinion that you have misinterpreted reality. And i can totally understand why many people are inclined to do exactly that. I wish i could change it for all of you, but that’s a choice you have to make on your own… or not at all.
I think to say “Your a child of god or of Satan, there’s no middle ground” is a bit absurd. You either believe in god or don’t would have been better to say. To say or assume anyone who doesn’t believe in your god is a child of Satan is just ridicules. Also atheist don’t believe in god nor Satan.
Four hours ago, I wrote “religious discussions often cause some issues around here” in another thread. Somehow, I knew that a thread with religious discussions… and issues… would be the result.
Can we stop having this stupid discusion about God.
Im a fundamentalist Christian,,,,, which means I believe in the oroginal non/tainted trash that most often gets passed around these days in “churches”.
“then you should allow my opinion that you have misinterpreted reality”
Of course I do. It is about accepting that the possibility of what I believe in exists. How probable it is is a subject of everyone’s own judgement.
The last paragraph you wrote could be my words.
@WIG: “trash that most often gets passed around these days in รขโฌลchurchesรขโฌย.
The trash that the pope is talking about? Cant imagine that.
That’s a tough question DT.
I think we are technically capable of refraining from discussing theism… but i think some people feel the need to interject their religious beliefs, every time anyone mentions any of the characters from the bible (like you did in your OP).
And i would have to agree, if you were to suggest that “this type of thing” is one of the reasons you’re not so sure about continuing to live in this world. It bothers me too; which is why i feel like i have to say something, when people go around insisting god exists, and is this or that, and isn’t this or that, and blah blah blah.
I honestly think no one has the slightest clue what “God” is, or isn’t. It’s just an idea that people’s imaginations tend to run away with, quite often and easily.
Like Rogue said, in his comment to sunnygirl: “…it’ll die if people stop thinking about it.”
It’s hard to not think about it, when everyone’s always bringing it up. I keep hoping that if i point out why it’s absurd, people will realize, and stop thinking about it, and stop bringing it up. But that doesn’t seem like it’s working.
“some people feel the need to interject their religious beliefs”
You mean NON-religious beliefs.
@CDL:
No, actually; the OP clearly requested we NOT have this “stupid discussion about God.”
The God people are the ones who want to tell everyone that “God is the answer.”
Atheists like myself, want to find real answers, not waste our lives talking about imaginary characters. The fact that so many people insist on bringing “God” into every discussion, which then requires the efforts of people like me, to show why that’s both irrelevant and detracts from the point of discussion, and also assaults any readers with having to sort through “that stupid discussion about god,” is the problem. It bothers me. Why can’t we just assume we’re all alone in the universe, and attempt to solve our own problems, rather than “praying to god” that some magic will fix things for us, so that we won’t have to come up with our own solutions?
Let’s take some responsibility for our situations and try to solve problems with real solutions. Even if god does exist, he’s obviously absent in nearly all cases where people seem to need solutions they don’t have. So let’s solve problems, rather than debating endlessly about whether or not 3-5 billion people’s varied definitions of their imaginary super-friend, actually exists, or will ever help anyone solve a problem.
I started to give my shit to this random thread as you run around and give your random shit that no one wants to hear to threads which clearly have nothing to do with you with the intention to annoy and tease others who have treated you nicely despite your insulting and intolerant posts.
Please listen.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5DmYLrxR0Y8
People, know that this is one of my 18 reasons to exit life. Unnecessary and pointless discusions that lead to nothing but anger and frustration!
Treating me politely isn’t going to convince me that god exists.
And lol.
Before you start being antagonistic again, i was about to comment something like “i’m trying to allow us to coexist.”
I think maybe you missed the point.
I have no problem with not talking about or thinking about “God.”
Other people bring that shit into almost every comment they make.
Because i happen to be here, and because, as was recently emphasized, “people are young and impressionable and vulnerable,” i’m afraid for those vulnerable people being exploited by the religious, who want them to believe in completely ineffective non-solutions, based on utterly false premises, and defeat the capabilities of their minds to critically think, which is a prerequisite for finding real solutions to real problems in the world.
And so many of those people will fall victim to religious conversion, and wait around for their “prayers to be answered,” instead of understanding and accepting that they must think and act toward their solutions, if they hope for anything to actually improve. And when they sit around waiting for prayers to work, and it doesn’t happen, they’ll be right back here, freaking out, not understanding “why god hates/ignores/punishes them.” Still without real solutions.
So yeah. You could say i feel pretty entitled to be intolerant of that idea… and i’ve seen it carried out, far too may times… even experienced it myself, in the past. I know it’s something we should be trying to help EVERYONE AVOID, and NOT something anyone should be condoning, advocating, or encouraging.
So i get pretty riled up when i see people condoning, advocating, encouraging, and exercising those highly detrimental tactics, in an environment full of vulnerable and impressionable people, who are very likely to be further harmed by it.
@DutchTimes: I understand that conversations like this can be frustrating. In a sense, SP is just a subset of real life. There will be events and people on this site that you can’t control. Just like real life, sometimes it’s necessary to exit a negative situation and go for a walk… or, in the case of SP, read another thread. I know you’re the OP on this thread but, sometimes, conversations go off the beaten path.
@Dutch, ik laat mensen me telkens ompraten om op het eind van de dag te denken, ik had het moeten doen. Telkens leef ik een dag langer, zie ik nog een beetje meer af. Wat ik doe? Wat ik voorheen deed maar dan in een soort van zombie-staat. Ik haat mezelf elke dag, kan mezelf niet meer in de spiegel bekijken. Voel me schuldig omdat ik niet de ballen aan m’n lijf heb om er gewoon een punt achter te zetten. Dan kom je bij de psycholoog en die geeft je nog een schouderklopje ook. Ach, die wereld, rot rot rot
Interesting how you’re trying to police what is or isn’t said on SP, clevername. It is cool if someone comes here looking for a hook up. You defend his rights. But talk about God and suddenly, there are things that don’t belong “in an environment of vulnerable and impressionable people.”
Stop this stupid discussion about god. That’s not what this poor soul came here for.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and can only imagine how much pain you are in. I would be exact same in your situation too. Have you attempted to try and get help from any services out there? I’m sure it would break your wife’s heart knowing how much you are suffering right now and that’s what she would want you to do.
@givemesomepeace
Jij begrijpt het tenminste echt. Voor mij is het hetzelfde, iedere dag die zelfde routine. Kut wereld. Voor mij is het gelukkig snel echt voorbij. Ik hoop jou veel strekte, mocht het ooit veranderen. We leven een eenzaam leven.
@ DutchTimes Your story is similar to Unique and Theforgottenfew. I don’t know if you’ve read their posts. They might help.
@noangel
I have tried literally everything. Going to a psychologist, talking about it, medication, different therapies, exercises and sport. Quietly waiting without any result. These thought, I can’t erase them and they drive me crazy!
@Murky Lurker
I will take i look. Thanks.
@Dutch, ik “leef” met je mee, voor zover ik kan. We kennen mekaar niet maar ik begrijp je verhaal. In mijn geval ging het om zelfmoord, kom elke dag voorbij die plek maar met krop in de keel. Voelen kan ik nog, maar het uiten niet meer. M’n ziel is al dood, alleen het lichaam blijft over. Ik wil wel luisteren naar anderen en kracht putten uit hun duizenden redenen om het niet te doen maar ik voel me moe. Alsof je op het einde van de dag gewoonweg in slaap wil vallen, zo zou ik willen verlost zijn van de pijn. Zonder anderen pijn te brengen! Ik kan deze alleen niet rijmen. Me het leven beroven en mijn familie achterlaten met dezelfde pijn. Ik weet me gewoon geen blijf meer. Ik zou gewoon hersendood willen zijn.
@givemesomepeace
We zijn zo gewent geraakt aan onze pijn dat we geen andere wereld meer kennen. We weten dat hij er is maar het hoeft gewoon niet meer omdat we al zo vaak hebben geprobeerd om weer “normaal” te zijn. Maar wat ik altijd al heb gedacht is dat mensen die depressief zijn, het ware gezicht van het leven hebben gezien.
Zo denk ik vaak ook, sommigen kunnen me gek noemen, maar ben ik gek of zijn zij het? Ik heb het leven geleefd, het mooie en het lelijke en beslis alleen om vroegtijdig te gaan, alsof zij niet beseffen dat er hoe dan ook een einde aan komt. Maar ik blijf diegene met de abnormale gedachten hoor. En dit alleen omdat ik pak een 50 jaar voor hen ga? Ik heb mijn situatie overwogen, de kosten en baten zoals ze dat economisch noemen. Elke normale ziel zou me failliet verklaren!
@Dutch, merk je ook dat als je je verhaal doet, meteen de halve wereld je wil redden? Heb ik een hekel aan. Hoor ik al genoeg bij de psycholoog. Kom je hier online en krijg je weer een oorveeg omwille van je gedachten en dan beginnen die amerikanen nog een heel debat over God! Leef en laat leven, sterf en laat sterven! Niemand kan je redden, alleen jij kan jezelf redden, alleen jij kan leven of sterven en kiezen om dit te doen. De rest kan je alleen steunen en meeleven. Als ze dit ontkennen zijn ze nog dommer dan ik dacht
@givemesomepeace
Haha Dan hebben wij hier dezelfde mening over.
Heartbreaking story ๐
“Stomme amerikanen” Ik ben een van die. Gisteren betekende dat ik geen kwaad. Ik geloof in je vaardigheden. Soms zijn mijn woorden niet naar buiten komen correct. Als je zou willen praten, zou ik vereerd zijn om te luisteren. E-mail mij en ik zal bellen.
Great, the Amsterdam connection. Time for google translate again or I could try learning Dutch.
Crucify the one that invented google translate. I am unable to decipher it! @Clever, you should know the Netherlands is far greater than just Amsterdam. Where have you been? Do I say New York when I speak of americans? Or Rome when I mention italians? Berlin when I speak of germans? Come on man, you have lived longer than I have ๐
@Onlyloveisreal
Of course you’re not stupid but STOP talking about God, please..!
Don’t do it, just stop it.
And how can I mail you?, what adress I mean.
Correction my post was intended for Murky. My apologies ๐ @Dutch, laten praten en je niet te veel laten pakken door die gasten. Ze begrijpen je toch niet, heb al een hoop ellende gehad met mensen die me emails stuurden. Laat hen hun God maar, als ze denken daardoor meer bestaan te hebben, zal mij worst wezen. Ha deze gaat toch raar uit de google translate komen denk ik ๐
Captainsquirrel123 at gmail dot comm, my appologies
Don’t insult clevernames intelligence i’m someone else. I reside in a murky world and like to lurk. Don’t hold it against me.
I never insulted his intelligence…
wrong post lol sorry
Look murky, someone actually found gravatar! ๐ Stendarr is proof that we can ALL have an identity!