If the rewards were equivalent to the effort required to manifest them. Or, if the worthwhile rewards could be achieved without consuming my entire being in the process. No use striving for something that will destroy you before you can enjoy it.
A job i don’t hate that pays me enough to do the things that i think are important; a girlfriend who is worthy of that term, lots of good weed, and minimized suffering in all aspects of life. I totally wouldn’t be suicidal anymore. But then i’d probably fear death, and/or the loss of all those worthwhile things in life. I’m not sure that’s actually better.
…. Hmmm….what would not make me suicidal….well…lots of things…
Hairline Lowering surgery
Hitting the powerball and mega millions simultaneously
If I found love
If every strain of the most potent grade A greenest sparkly MJ were available to me
but more realistically …since none of these things are going happen…(I assume)
I’ll list simple things like smoking and socializing with the people that consider themselves my friends here….tbh….this place and ****** keeps my mind off of suicidal thoughts…..I still have my problems….but this place helps me view them differently…
I figure its like this….I’ll buy my ********….and save it until I absolutely need it….like some incredibly fucked up shit has to happen to me in order for me to drink it….because even I am guilty of romanticizing ********….its not as easy to take as you think….thats the catch…
Pain, if you take the ******** you will never realize your dream of a legal weed farm and you won’t see how your Mary Jane stocks do in the market. Lol
I’d really appreciate an internship at the BBC in the UK and work alongside some of my favourite screenwriters. I think it’d be an honour and it’d also provide me with quite the ego boost (if I can manage to find an ego in this withering body of mine).
Writing this has given me what I believe to be a false sense of hope. but a false one is still something, so maybe I’ll appreciate it.
Not being an animal that inspires hate and violence OR utter indifference in everyone around me. Being in a totally different body. Having my mom back safe, and having her be able to express sincere love for me. Being considered by others worthy of companionship and intimacy. And living in an alternate world in which existence wasn’t predicated on aggression–physical and emotional.
I hate nothing in existence nearly as much as myself.
People keep mentioning ******** like you can buy it at the supper market, I must be missing something. It might just be me. Have paid enough people for ******** that never arrives. Pretty much feel like an idiot. I also think having ******** would actually change some things, might make me want to do some things in life that I haven’t considered. Have any of you guys ever had that feeling? That having it, might actually change things or the way you see life. Because suicide remains hard, at least to me, it’s not an easy decision to make.
19 comments
If David Bowie gave me a handjob
HOPE
Positive and sustained change.
If the rewards were equivalent to the effort required to manifest them. Or, if the worthwhile rewards could be achieved without consuming my entire being in the process. No use striving for something that will destroy you before you can enjoy it.
A job i don’t hate that pays me enough to do the things that i think are important; a girlfriend who is worthy of that term, lots of good weed, and minimized suffering in all aspects of life. I totally wouldn’t be suicidal anymore. But then i’d probably fear death, and/or the loss of all those worthwhile things in life. I’m not sure that’s actually better.
Good point Clever.
If I had a girl that loved me and ended my 11 year long loneliness, and If I didn’t had any pain in my legs.
…. Hmmm….what would not make me suicidal….well…lots of things…
Hairline Lowering surgery
Hitting the powerball and mega millions simultaneously
If I found love
If every strain of the most potent grade A greenest sparkly MJ were available to me
but more realistically …since none of these things are going happen…(I assume)
I’ll list simple things like smoking and socializing with the people that consider themselves my friends here….tbh….this place and ****** keeps my mind off of suicidal thoughts…..I still have my problems….but this place helps me view them differently…
I figure its like this….I’ll buy my ********….and save it until I absolutely need it….like some incredibly fucked up shit has to happen to me in order for me to drink it….because even I am guilty of romanticizing ********….its not as easy to take as you think….thats the catch…
A life.
Maybe.
Pain, if you take the ******** you will never realize your dream of a legal weed farm and you won’t see how your Mary Jane stocks do in the market. Lol
Having a nice life, living in happiness. Or dead, also good idea 🙂
One friend.
I’d really appreciate an internship at the BBC in the UK and work alongside some of my favourite screenwriters. I think it’d be an honour and it’d also provide me with quite the ego boost (if I can manage to find an ego in this withering body of mine).
Writing this has given me what I believe to be a false sense of hope. but a false one is still something, so maybe I’ll appreciate it.
Your future.
Not being an animal that inspires hate and violence OR utter indifference in everyone around me. Being in a totally different body. Having my mom back safe, and having her be able to express sincere love for me. Being considered by others worthy of companionship and intimacy. And living in an alternate world in which existence wasn’t predicated on aggression–physical and emotional.
I hate nothing in existence nearly as much as myself.
….not marrying my previous wife.
hands down.
People keep mentioning ******** like you can buy it at the supper market, I must be missing something. It might just be me. Have paid enough people for ******** that never arrives. Pretty much feel like an idiot. I also think having ******** would actually change some things, might make me want to do some things in life that I haven’t considered. Have any of you guys ever had that feeling? That having it, might actually change things or the way you see life. Because suicide remains hard, at least to me, it’s not an easy decision to make.
My daughter. Once she was born, suicide was OFF THE TABLE.
Maybe if a certain someone loved me. But that’s not a possibility.
A friend or perhaps also a passionate cause.