the unwanted part of life

All my life I’ve known I wasn’t wanted by anyone. I’ve been told by plenty, even the one’s that are programed to love you no matter what. The first time I thought of dying was when my mother told me that I was worthless to her that she didn’t want me. It hurt so much that someone I loved could hurt me in a mental way, I told myself that I didn’t ever want to hear those word again so I tried my best little girl anyone could be. It didn’t work. So I just would just stayed quite and stop loving everyone. As I grew up we moved allot to the point where my parent started to do drug an that when I had to grow an take care of my little brother, we move to this one house I remember this vividly im my mind it was one of the worst time in my life I got molested by one of my dad friends. After that life changing event I thought more and more of ending my life. It hurt to keep it in but I did. We moved again but there drug abuse got worse, so I started to draw myself falling to my death I showed my father and he just asked if that’s the way I felt I told him “yeah I do feel like this.” He took my drawing and threw it at my mother and said see what your doing an they argue for awhile. It got worse as it got older I got put in a hospital for writing kill me on a piece of paper. So when I got released from there I felt more out of place in my own family. So that when I attempted to kill myself the first time, it didn’t work so well. I tired again several times and I failed all though times like someone was trying to keep me alive. I know I was probably put here to be really great but im still not sure what is it that is,im a mother already it cant be that it has to be something in the medical field, because I want to help people in different ways.