Analgesia

I came here thinking I would actually try to talk through my thoughts. I have plenty at the moment. I know that I am a failure. My results speak for themselves. My memory isn’t what it’s used to be and I am pretty sure I am just as stupid as I thought at the beginning of it all. Life just seems like one long endless journey. I feel so empty inside. I know my dad looks at me with disappointment all the money he has spent and I couldn’t live up to my potential. He still pays for me even after failing. I know he does it to save face. He spoke a lot about how I would become successful. Funny how things turn out. My mum never acted like she was affected but i know it hit her hard. She had a stroke now and I’ve even lost the little faith I had in religion. I feel like every time I plan my suicide I will fail. I can’t face anymore guilt and shame than i currently do. My worst fear is being brought back. I already tried 10 grams of paracetamol, on an empty stomach. This did nothing. I felt no cramps nothing. I know that people fight to live everyday and I may be considered selfish by many. I would rather die than feel anymore.