Anger

I used to be like that… like i would get disproportionately enraged about certain things, and then succumb to the urge to break stuff, punch things, and just generally thrash about, like a prodded beast.

But i finally broke enough stuff and hurt myself enough times that i adopted a new strategy: dissociation. lol, so much better, right? But sometimes it’s all i can do, to just “space out,” because if i stay in the moment i’ll destroy something, or hurt someone, probably including myself.

So when i feel that “beast-mode” approaching, i lock myself down, breathe, and don’t stare at the problem. Walk away if i can. Don’t move or touch anything. Stay as calm and motionless as possible. No flexing or grunting, either. Breathe and stay relaxed, and “don’t do anything stupid.”

I found that flailing and hitting/smashing stuff, screaming into pillows, only makes me more angry, and more intensely crave the enactment of violence toward the perpetrator of whatever intolerable transgression. Doing ANYTHING aggressive when already triggered, “just adds fuel to the fire,” more powder to the keg.

I wouldn’t necessarily say i have a long fuse… because certain things can set me off almost instantly. But i do have impeccable self-control, because i’ve spent most of my life practicing it, and with many lessons in failure to maintain control of self, in difficult situations.

It gets way worse once you cross that line… and by then, no matter how much more angry you become, you won’t be able to fix the consequences. I don’t recommend allowing yourself to encounter such a scenario… but some people have to learn the hard way. Try not to make that lesson too hard on yourself.