Hi Guys,
I don’t think I’ll be able to do this anymore… Even if it is good to get my feelings out… I have been bottling up most of them for all of my life… *shrugs* I just feel these things are useless… And stupid. I mean are you even listening??? Are you even reading? Reading this… I guess some of you are… But I think most of you just ignore these things… It’s okay. I’m used to being ignored… Most of my friends have such busy lives I can’t get help from them… Well only I think 3 out of the 20 some “friends” I have know that I’m suicidal/depressed/pained/a fuck up. I’m just a big mistake.
I was thinking about the point of living and then just dying. I came up with nothing. Why live if we all die in the end?
This is sorta short… Sorry I just don’t feel like writing…
But here’s a poem/dialogue thing:
I’ll jump, you jump I jump, remember?
But will you jump? Will you move on? Replace me?
I’ll never forget. I’ll never move on.
But will you? It’s so easy to forget one person. To replace them.
I’ll never ever ever move on. Never forget.
But what if you do? I wouldn’t be surprised if you did…
But I won’t. Want to know why?
Why? Why can you not move on? Why can you not forget?
Because… i luv you…
Au Demain
23 comments
I really enyoed that poem/dialogue. Reminds of me of myself.
What do you think can help you?
Not a whole lot can help me now… Hugs and back rubs used to help, but now honestly I don’t know. I don’t get hugs now or back rubs anymore and I guess I don’t have the courage to ask someone for one…
Maybe you need more than hugs and back rubs. You need someone who will love you unconditionally. Someone to listen and be there. Am I not right? Is there not the void? Do you not have the courage for the fear that none will be there?
No one on earth will love me unconditionally. No one. I’m there for plenty of people, but I don’t share my feelings. I hide them. I feel like a burden if I share them. I don’t have the fear of that no one will be there, because no one is there to love me unconditionally.
I feel the same way. This world and human race is pitiful and an apathetic piece of existence. I really question what is love?
Love is… when your heart fills up with warm feelings. when you get the flutters or butterflies. when your day gets so much better when you talk to them, love is a daring thing, but what else do we have in life that’s like love?
I knew what love felt like. I just think love doesn’t last.
May I ask, what burdens you?
Dear LetitGo,
I am listening, that is why i am here. Tell me more, let it go,
My feelings. My secrets. The masks. Fake happiness.
Do these secrets affect the way you feel? How do you feel? Is it the reason you fake happiness and a personality to hide these feelings and secrets?
I’m sorry in advanced if you feel if am coming at it the wrong way. I care and I want to help you. But I also don’t want to make you uncomfortable by bringing up anything that might be hurtful.
All of that would be a good start.
These secrets hurt me so much. I’m scared, that my friends will leave me because I’m depressed and I’m not good with confrontation, telling someone, in person so I keep these things. I feel terrible, but it’s the only thing I can do right now. It is not the reason I fake happiness. I have two personalities I guess. I have one for my friends. And a real one. Sometimes they mix and make one, but most times they are two separate ones.
I can’t restart, I’m only 13… 5 more years until I’m 18, a legal adult…
I can’t restart, I’m only 13… 5 more years until I’m 18, a legal adult…
Have you told anyone about your secrets.
But if your friends leave you because your depressed doesn’t that say a lot about them? Have your tried talking to a counselor or parent/guardian? I understand about the multiple personalities. I have those too… but they are not always bad. They do help you when you need it. But which personality do you like better?
I have talked to an adult about some of it… Yes, but its so hard for me to tell people personally face to face… I like… my fake one better…
Why do you prefer the fake one better?
I know it seems hard to talk face to face but have you tried writing a letter. That would be a little bit easier and you wouldn’t have to deal with someone face to face. It could be more comfortable for you and you can finally release the pressure built within and let someone hear your voice and give you help?
Yes I guess, but that’d be so many letters. I like my fake one better because it’s “happier”…
Can you please write the letters. Even if it long and many pages someone will read them.
Does that mean you happier with the fake one?
I’m not sure….
not sure of what?
That writing letters would make the fake one happier… or my real one for that matter
well your going to have to try to find out. I’m pretty confident it will help you.