Fucken genesis *****
Before time and light there was only the never beginning and never ending darkness, nothing was born yet everything died in the ever hungry and all consuming darkness only to be spat out as more darkness, darkness breading darkness that fed off its own darkness, ever hungry and never truly satisfied the darkness was destined to eat its own body to fuel its ever exspanding self, for the darkness was there before space and distance were concieved, making it incomprehensibly vast and infinitesimally minute, constantly growing and shrinking in complete chaos. but in its ever ravanous stomach something was brewing, bits of the darkness came together only to deatach yet reforming later, each time the bond growing stronger and stronger yet continuesly breaking and reforming waiting for that one thing, then in an instant that lasted an eternity a spark of the darkness, never before consumed by its own ravanous maw bound tightly with the ever reforming mass in the ever growing and ever regurgatating stomach of the ever shifting darkness, withing that tightly bound, loosly configured digested darkness was a small spark of conciousness that grew fully in a sudden flash that lasted both a millisecond and an eternity. it tore out of the darkness with such gentle ferocity it both tore a whole in the darkness and carressed its way free. the conciousness that grew gave itself a name, a name so powerfull it never uttered it, even to itself imidiatly forgetting it but even it could not be denied its name. the darkness watched as this being grew from inside it, hurting it, destroying it yet embracing and loving it, sharing conciousness with the darkness, because the entity that emerged wasnt like the darkness. for an eternity that never started the two beings fought and made passionate love wrestling with both intense hate and epic love. they fought and loved untill, by accident as they melded their beings the ever ravanous hunger attacked the ever full entity and out oof the wound fell its essence, as the essence fell in drops it gatherd its spark of conciounsness and became time, floatibg forever in the devide between its creator, and its liberator. sencing the entitys wounded state the darkness surged foward to regain what it believed to its right, every bit of conciousness the new entity took from it, but with time on its side the new aincient entity lashed out blindly at the darkness that was the root of all, the darkness saw the blow coming and went to move its ginormously small frame out of the way, only to find itself moving in slow motion, for time had slowed it down, while speeding up its creator, with a wild gash across its unformed face the darkness let out a soundles shout as drops of its essence too fell forever through a never ending spcae, but it still had its fathers conciousness, tired of falling it became space and distance, and so was born time and space and distance. the newly aincient entity knew with such things against it darkness would surely prevail, but regardless of that she now had her child, time, to live for so yet again she attacked with blinding light lancing through darkness renting open a hole in its essence, but darkness drew forth essence from the light as it passed and together the drops fell, melding together into something new. many many new things in fact that fell so far that their mother, the newly aincient entity felt fear for them, in great desperation she changed, and flew from the arkness to become the world, for which the newly created beings, could survive on, fearing the power such being would have, time, space and distance banded together to imprison these new entitys, making sure they could never leave their mother and become powerfull enough to rule over the original children of darkness and light. and so was born man. equal part light and darkness. yet they lived on the world made of their mother, made of light, and so the light won out in the hearts of man, but the light was weak, it had made itself vulnerable in order to protect its children for no matter its feud with the darkness the light still loved it and gave everything to protecting what their melding produced. but as she made herself the world, the beings worshiped her for saving them, and slowly he light completely dominated the darkness in the heart of man, untill the darkness was driven from man, but it returned, as all things must do once they are destroyed unto the darkness that swerled arround the light, seeking to destroy it and care for it, seeking to slate its hunger and become whole again, despite its insatiable hunger. so the darkness swereled and swirled but the hear of man was strong, untill the light began to feel its energy drain, the fight with the darkness was sapping her strenght and where once she could have lasted forever or nothing her son, jealous of her love for humanity brought down all the power of time down on her, aging her horendously, and so the light retreated, deep into its core where it waited, it waited for man to call its name, a name long forgotten because its power would bring a second coming, her name so powerfull it was stricken from man and time and space. man was left in confusion as the light no longer surrounded them, giving way to the ever ravanous darkness. when man saw darkness they huddled together, and darkness created a being by ripping a chunk from himself and casting it over man, this new being was fear, and it latched into the heart of man, and so they ran and hid from the darkness, chanting “The darkness is coming, the darkness is coming†and for a time the power of man frustrated the power of the darkness for they ran and hid so the darkness couldnt find them, forever they coward in fear, for fear never left man, remaining loyal to the darkness and never allowing man to forget that they must too return to the darkness, but man had many things from the light, they had the desire to survive, and so they hid, ever chanting “the darkness is coming, the darkness is coming†never allowing eachother to forget the danger they faced. and so they hid, and they survived, a brutal and harsh survival for eons, untill one day man found woman and procreated, but the first spawn was pure good for he was life, but his evil twin followed, and so was born to humanity the gift of life but also death, and upon this did time sieze his chance, and he gave his help to death, lifes evil twin, he gave him a time upon which he was free to attack any human once they reached a certain time in their lifes, and so was born the struggle of life and death among once imortal beings,and this is how man became mortal. thefirst parents realised what they had done and abbandoned their evil son, but they were too late as he had started to grow and he survived to seek his vengance on humanity, his parents fled with their one good son, life an brought him throughout the world, and so humanity started to grown, despite deaths attacks, often death won but humanity fought back and so was born medicine and comraderie, standing against death together humanity could hold it at bay but only for a while, and so humanity continued to fight the agents of darkness who continued to swirl arround, untill one day the darkness started to attack the land which ws once his lover, but still humanity hid, all of them, except one man, who believed, as he was the sun of life and greeat grandson of the purest light that he could stand against the darkness. the darkness took this man and breathed his essence inside him, corrupting him, and so was born a man with pure evil in his heart, who turned on his fellow man, the ancestor of murderers and rapist and every evil man. now humanity was truely scared, close to their end they turned in desperation to the wisest among them and pleaded for help in finding the being that their lore told them once protected them. the wisest of the wise seached and searched untill one stumbled upon a writing, scripture from time himself, words overheard between him and space when they set about imprisoning man, that only their creators true name could bring her back, and with that man searched for the creators name but could not find it, and so the darkness surged foward binging man to their knees, and with a desperate plea to their creator they begger for help, still to weak to do anything but survive in the core of the planet the creator stirried, and was moved with pitty, with a massive effort she broke herself apart allowing her essence to flow into man, her essence flowed to nearly every man not already corrupted by the darkness, and finally man knew her name for now she resided in their hearts and they called her, but to no avail, she had destroyed her form for their survival, no matter how much they called for her she couldnt return, but they called regardless, “HOPE†they shouted, and they shouted her name till they grew hoarse but no longer could she stirr, but she had done enought, the one thing the darkness could never overcome now resided in the heart of man, hope. and the darkness realised this so he retreated, waiting patiently for he knew everything must end, so he wates, the darkness wates for us all, knowing we will come to it eventually. but what of the children neither hope nor the darkness wanted? they were left feeling empty and alone, scattered among humanity, neither good nor bad nor wanted, and so was born depression and suicide, those who welcomed death to return them to the darkness before time gave his consent. and so became the world as it is.
Fuck you bible, i prefer my genesis.
ps. sorry for mistakes.
Fucken future *****
make sure and read “fucken genesis *****†first.
caught in the ever ravanous gaze of the darkness humanity was still in the never ending struggle with death and time and space. death because they wanted their imortality back, time because it sped up the approach of death and space because it confined them to such a small area, yet despite all the shackels the children of darkness and the jealous older brother of humanity placed upon humanity they also helped to keep the darkness at bay, making sure humanity only became part of the darkness bit at a time, instead of all at once, which would give the darkness the strength to consume its children once more and ravage the carcas of its one time lover and greatest enemy and once more become the never ending and never begining entity that lived in chaos. For many centuries life repleneshed what his brother took, creating within humanity the ability to creat more life, however life was running out of sparks to give, slowly life was starting to bow to his brother, who was returning every spark it spent to the overwhelming darkness. realising life was about to die it did something no one saw coming. it changed, no longer did he creat from himself the sparks but he took from humanity the sparks that were ready to return to the darkness and started to reuse them, as death reeked his terrible revenge on humanity life stopped making anew what his brother destroyed but started to steal from the darkness. the even watchfull, ever looming and ever hungry darkness was furious with life for cheating it of its meals and so he ripped from himself a chunk of darkness and cast it upon the the long dead body of his lover, intent upon destroying life, however life charged at this indistiguashable darkness and gave itself up, colliding with the darkness before it could gain a foot hold on the world. the new darkness and life slammed together with such force they split and joined simultaniously, throughout the world the shards of both life and darkness joined and flew all but one shard, that shard fell from the world, and through the darkness untill it fell upon a being, a place that was even more aincient than the darkness, but the shard was conciousness and it seeped into this thing, and slowly it will awake, but not for a long time yet., but where the other shards landed was a shock to both the firghters of the light and the fighters for the light. the shards flew into the only empty vessels left, the suicidal and depressed ones. here they stayed, dormant untill the first suicidal one rushed into the embrace of death before his time, furious at being defied time lashed out, intending to destroy the suicidal one but something happened, he unwittingly charged the joined shard inside the suicidal one, cursing the man to live for as long as time, however the shards’ curse was not finished, he became the judicator between the darkness and the last of life, guiding the shards of light after they passed from humanity, he brought them to the darkness, but he also brought them back again, reincarnating some into humanity again, thus ensuring the supply of souls for humanity, and so was born the first of the grim reapers, bound for eternity to ferry humanitys souls onto the next life, and doomed to be denied the journy himself, yet others unwittingly joined him, becoming the army of grim reapers that guide humanity and keep it balance, so is the curse of the suicidals. with the flow of the sparks of conciousness regulated, bothe the darkness and humanity survived, yet the darkness’ impatience to be whole again grew and grew untill one day, that lasted longer than any day he made a plan. he sent an agent down among humanity, one he crafted in his deepest pit, moulding him fom the darkest darkness. so potent was he that humanity felt his presence from their very first day of life. his presence reverberated throughout the history of humanity untill they were sure he walked the earth forever. satasfied with his creation, the darkness slipped him upon the erath among the humans to do his bidding, and so was born the devil. the devi walked among the humans spreding a message, he gave them a way to beat death and space, whispering in their ear the way to beat the children of the darkness, the darkest part of the darkness sought to liberate humanity, and so humanity listened and they learned and they planned to beat death first, helped by the reapers who wished death to have no more exsistance, all of humanity bent their will against defeating death, all bar one, for he was special, he alone did not listen to the darkness for he had been granted something, he had been granted hope in its purest form that cursed throughout his veins, he was hope personified and he saw the darkness plan. for without death life would cease to have meaning, the shards of life left behind would have to leave with death, making both obsolete, with the destruction of death would come the destruction of the grim reapers, while the grim reapers gave souls to the darkness they also gave souls to life, without their help life would not get the souls, and would no longer be able to function and would so pass into the darkness, meaning that with life so too would humanity pass into the darkness because humanity had become dependant on life. this one man saw this, but he knew the devil would stop him from saving humanity so he did something the light of hope had never done before, he hid in the shadows, biding his time. just as the darkest darkness colaberated with humanity, they created a love child, forged by the hope of humanity but tainted by the deepest darkness destruction was created. and the devil showed humanity how to destroy death the man of hope steped from the shadows and usurped the power of humanity and darkness combined and he shifted the power from death. this man protected death but in doing so he had to still turn the destructive power somewhere and so he did, he chanelled it to the one place he could. he channeled distruction upon time. the full force of the creation of man and darkness filled time, the original son of hope untill time could no longer contain it, and so did time burst, shards flying out, mostly to be absorbed by the darkness, tho some shards fell upon times mother yet one shard fell through space, grief stricken at the loss of time space ignored it and the shard slipped out of the space into the entity so old even the darkness forgot its exsistance. with his power booseted by time the darkness exspanded and set its gaise upon all that remained: space, humanity and his lovers cold remains, he moved foward twards spcae first, and consumed his happles son, returning him to the darkness, from darkness we all come and when our time is done we must return. but now time and space were gone humanity was left alone against the darkness, the darkness advanced but humanity didnt mind for the man of light exsplaned to his fallen bretheren the trick of the devil and the steps that hope had taken. humanity exsisted for one more blink before the darkness decended but that blink lasted an eternity, and humanity grew old and died in that blink, long before the darkness reached them. for time no longer sped up humanity’s return to the darkness and space no longer stopped them, so humanity spread as large as the darkness for as long as the darkness existed, which was forever and never. but one being had grown in this timless spaceless place. and his conciousness was unmatched, the most aninceint being that never existed and never stopped existing was what both humanity and the darkness lived in the stomach of. chaos. and chaos truned its atttention to the infentesimally minute and incalculably large darkness and humanity and so descended chaos upon the world and all creation and distrucion. chaos reclamed all, for everything sucumbs to chaos in the end, everything except the one being that impressed it with his planning. the man that embodied hope that brought humanity on level with the darkness, and chaos rewarded this man and allowed him to sit upon chaos’s right hand as it ravaged everything and nothing. this has come to pass, will come to pass and will never come to pass for eternity. this i know because i have seen it and will see it, yet will never see it, for i am the personification of hope.
Fucken cyclical ***** (part three of three)
(this will make more sense if you read the first and second first)
And so did chaos rule over all of man kind for an eternity that never started or ended, for chaos is timeless, following no path but to suspend and destroy any existing rule or law. for a timeless age did humanity succumb to the awesome power of the chaos, but so too did the darkness, no longer did it seek to regain the last of the light that was once his lover but now resided as the soul that drives the shell of man. for chaos reeked terrible vengeance upon the darkness for the darkness had brought about all that the chaos hated, the darkness had become sentient and capable of thought and chaos did not like this, for thought bread the most ancient nemesis of chaos, order. Chaos and order are both brothers, tho their parents had long since past by the time even the darkness was born, surviving only as a fragment of thought in their children’s heads. and while chaos and order were siblings they despised each other for each was intent on ripping down what the other created and building up what the other destroyed. but order was still in a timeless slumber, for scripture decrees that while one sleeps the other wakes, for long before even the concept of the darkness was created both order and chaos existed symulatiously, only for the barest moment but their presence caused the end of what was before the darkness, dinosaurs. and before that the once sentient peoples whos mysterious influence lingered in early humanity’s designs and architecture. and so they made a pact to share conciousness, however each one was greedy and refused to sleep when their time came, and so was the reign of chaos over man set to be long, with only the son of hope to chart the damage chaos did, for he alone sat at the side of chaos, for he alone helped destroy order when he tried to save humanity, allowing chaos to have his time. The son of hope gazed out at his once vibrant brothers and sisters and he wept, for no longer did they worship his mother nor give praise to him for his help, instead they turned upon eachother and took what they wanted, destroyed what they chose and brought humanity to the brink. humanity stood with their toes curled over the edge, ready to jump into the darkness, for chaos was a terrible force, one they could no longer deal with. chaos destroyed humanity. overcome with grief the son of hope averted his gaze, no longer could he bare to see the world he had once tried to save get destroyed by the all powerful chaos. he sunk to his knees and beseached the rumbeling shapeless chaos to spare his people. chaos’s answer was garbeled and incomprehensable,for chaos could not speak, chaos was a ferral animal, intelligent but only with the intellegence of a being raised in the wilderness, with a heave of his hand chaos shoved the son of hope aside and returned his gaze upon the land once ruled by his brother, order. but as he flung the son of hope from his right hand the son of hope spotted a distant spark, many light years away, yet right beside him, he knew what this spark was but dared not think about it for if chaos knew of the spark his rage would send humanity into oblivion along with the spark. however the last son of hope planned and shemed untill he was sure his plan would work, next he climbed upon the formless back of shoas and scampered inside his none exsisting ear, for distance and space no longer exsisted, meaning chaos was as big or as small as he wished to be, but that also ment that so too was the last of hope, and so hope’s son made himself small enough to get inside chaos’ head and then he exspanded, he grew and grew, allowing the hope that throbbed in his veins to shine through fully, untill he was so bright no being could look upon hims and regain sight, yet still he grew, bigger and brighter. yet chaos grew and grew, despite the pain the light caused him chaos still reigned over man, ever exspanding. but even the universe had its limit, and when chaos grew he suddenly hit the edge of the universe where he could grow no more, and he filled everywhere in the universe, except where he could not go, and so chaos did burtst, and out from him stood the son of hope, triumphant
. but his triumph came at a terrible price, the universe has one rule, and only one. there must be a balance. the son of hope had destroyed choas once and for all but now there was nothing to appose order, and so the universe stepped in and appointed the last of hope to take the place of chaos, to provide a check upon order, a crule fate for the on who merely sought to save his people. a terrible rage filled the heart of hopes last remaining son. furious with everything he turned his back on humanity, seeing them as the reason for all his woes, and so he ripped part of his conciousness from his mind and hurled it at the spark. the conciousness hit the spark and it grew with startling speed, and so was orer once more awakened, but now bothe the last son of hope and order were both concious symultaniously and their energy clashed with terrible beauty, lancing out from them the power of their clash seeped into everything and so, as it had done to those before humanity, the dinasours an ice age decended, destroying all it met, and so ended the time of man, to be replaced only when either the son of hope or order won out. this i have seen and this i will see.
The End
fucken man behind it all ***** (part four of three)
and with the clash that was order and the last true son of hope did humanity’s time come to an end, but that was not the only thing the clash caused for it was so powerful it sent a lance of energy out, far beyond their universe, out and out the light traveled, past every parallel universe until it reached a screen of sorts, and it bounced into the screen with such force the entity on the other side awoke fro its day time nap to see what the noise was in its screen, and so did this entity gaze upon the screen and follow the beam back through all the universes until it reached the universe that we currently reside in, and this entity decided to rewatch what has yet to happen in our universe, for it had long been ignorant to the fate of man, the entity watched with mild curiosity as the history and future and down fall of man were replayed for him, and so, upon reaching the end did this entity heave a great sigh and as he did so the sigh entered the screen and caused hurricanes in every universe, so powerful was his breath. the entity sat back and mused, for it was in his power to go back and rewrite the history of man, after all it was merely a screen, a show for him to flick to in the million or so channels he could view, but he chose not to, for long ago this entity had sent the race of humans his son, and humanity had cut down a tree, shaped it into a cross and proceeded to nail his son to it, now god didn’t really appreciate this, after the effort he went through, and to be quite honest he was too lazy to bother with humanity after that and had left them to their own devices. yet now God had the chance to create some new sentient being to rule the real once ruled by man, and so he gazed over the multitude of universes he had created for his amusement in search of inspiration for this new race, his screen appearing in each universe as a star so bright theinhabitants mistook it for a sun, picking a mixture of a few God sat back and decided on the best way to create the new race that would provide his entertainment. as he decided God took a hold of his staff of life and gently stroked it to alertness, for his staff would bring about the age of what comes next, and so he stroked it and stoked until a pressure started to grow in his staff, God stood and pointed his mighty staff upon the universe of man and with a groan allowed his life giving essence to splatter over the world, and so was born what would later become the Kajhiits, their ultimate leader even now being known as SB, a race of the smartest beings he had so far created. yet they started off as single celled organisims and it would be many millenium before they reached their true intended form. but god did not mind that for he had other planns. and with that god moved away from the screen and turned upon the room in which he was, untill he spotted the door, which he proceded to use. once outside he went to meet his friends, for God was but one of many, a whole race of gods, each with their own screen that had mulitple universes that were theirs to entertain themselves with, for they were beings so magnificantly huge, humanity will forever bee incapable of understanding or even truely knowing of the gods. and so our god went out to his friends and as he did so he glanced up, content with the heat from the star so close it could only be the sun… right?…
153 comments
I vote that everyone abandons their religions, use my compact bible and give me all your money for preachery holy shit that i cant discuss cause its so holy.
Hey Procel
I don’t need any more shit…Holy or otherwise. Remember I am detoxing and the die off won’t let me keep anything but cheese down. hahaha No more Holy…just cheese.
I think Ama is tired…and Lori has to go feed her kid. hahaha
Love ya
I found a video that’s quite relevant. I’ll post it to help offset the plethora of Christian stuff that’s been posted on here today.
Ok, Procel… You’re 2 for 2 on being one awesome commenter/poster. The other day, it was your distant road jokes… Today, it’s this. Usually I know how to answer posts pretty well… But this one… Well, I’m speechless… A unique read… That’s for sure!
Haha ama this isn’t just any religion, this is my one, completely different stuff lol. I usually find toast with melted butter the right job when in doing my own detox after a night out lol.
@lorax yeah its much needed so!
Haha thank you doctor, this was originally four posts i made a while back but recent posters made it necessary for a bible so i joined em all together. Hopefully i shall gain followers, as long as they know the road to enlightenment goes on for some distance hehe
LOL, Procel… You combined the distant road jokes into it! Nice…
Just make sure to set up a Paypal account so people can give all that money you requested… lol 😉
Hey Procel,
Wasn’t commenting on your Bible…I hadn’t read it all yet. hahaha Don’t want to comment on something I haven’t at least read eh?
Brilliant…but as usual….I have a suggestion. lmfao
I am a damn fine editor when I put my mind to it. Perhaps you can send me a bit at a time and I will edit it for printing. Don’t worry. Anything in there that smacks of the Divinity of Man…I will edit it out and put in a story of my own. Popes aren’t the only one’s who can change shit up eh? ooooh I Love the new Pope. And I am not even Catholic…hahaha He is friggin’ awesome. Pope Francis rocks. Anyone else remember Saint Francis of Assissi? He also tried to show us The Way. hahaha
Shit…got lost. What I am offering to do is help you edit your book…for free. haha I wouldn’t want the spelling Nazis of Love to have to take you to task. I’m sure it shouldn’t be too hard to work with the Irish language. hahaha They did it with Aramaic after all. 😀 No seriously. And when it is ready for publishing…could I suggest a name? The Book of Procel Chapt. 1-4. hahaha
You are soooo adorable ha
Ama
Yes, Ama… We established this the other day… In order to make an INFORMED commentary, you have to actually READ the post. Please make sure you follow your own guidance! 😉
I obey Propel!!
The King James Bible is a whole lot better. You should try reading it 🙂
You might learn something 🙂
There’s way too much lost in translation with the KJV, especially given today’s vernacular in western cultures. I don’t think most people in the west even understand ritual purity the same way that Jewish people did when the old testament was just being written.
You’d be better off reading fortune cookies.
Naw, fortune cookies won’t save your soul. 🙂
Seriously WIG
You said that to someone who is grieving? Have you no shame?
I hope he was a Christian? really?
Oh poop…someone at the door. Sorry guys…you’ll have to play with out my bullshit for a while. hahaha
Enjoy the Peace
Fortune cookies can give you winning lottery numbers. Money can save souls Lol
Its just what Jesus would do,right? Say that to the bereaved?Just lost another person from SP
LostnBroken
What???? NO!!!!!!
Ya know…if everyone just deleted his comments…and avoided his posts. The whole problem would disappear. It’s not rocket science….but I didn’t think about it before.
MY bad
ahhhh I see that will be unnecessary…he has already been reported to admin numerous times today….we will be finished with this soon I pray.
Hey that rhymes bonk
Excuse me while I pray to the Baby Jesus in the Manger.
*ahem* “Dear Jesus; Please give me a fortune cookie with winning lottery numbers printed inside so that my eternal soul can be saved. Also, can you tell them to stop making the Kung Pao Beef so spicy? I use half a roll of toilet paper every time I leave that place. Thank You baby Jesus. Amen”.
Ama –
Generally speaking… and I’ve thought this for a while… I think the site should implement some time of Member Moderator who has the ability to take interim action subject to further review by the site administration. For example, a Member Moderator could unpublish a post, temporarily mute a member, etc. It would allow problems to get taken care of at least temporarily and on a much quicker basis. The current setup allows someone, and I’m NOT singling out anyone, to adversely impact the site for prolonged periods of time before it’s remedied. This will happen before and it will probably happen again.
As for the Member Moderator criteria, I’ve seen it implemented in a variety of ways…. The site administration could identify members whose contributions to the community are constructive and valuable… it could be put up to a vote… it could be PARTLY based upon seniority…. etc.
Just a thought…
*will happen before = has happened before
The moderator is a good idea…..
Be careful what you ask for. I don’t think censorship is such a good idea. There are a lot of posts that are allowed now that might not be if moderation was enacted. If a post bothers you, ignore it and don’t comment. That’s what I do. If somebody comments in an inflammatory manner on your posts… just try to dismiss that too. Then again, I’ve never had this problem personally, as I don’t seem to put up controversial posts. Nor do I take offense easily. Ah well…
@WIG: Don’t make me mention the epic amounts of erotica buried within the bible. Did you know that there’s even a passage that states that Egyptians are hung like donkeys? (Ezekiel 23:20) I think it’s endlessly amusing when the translators actually censor and neuter the language so as not to offend contemporary Christian scruples. 😉
Egyptians are hung like donkeys? Is that how the pyramids got built?
Huh? What?
People in ancient times were just as lusty as people today. Imagine. They didn’t have porn in those days so they had to make do with what they could get. I want to read Egyptian erotica now. I bet they were kinky.
I can hardly erect a snowman, maybe I should studying ancient Egyptian techniques.
Does the Bible mention the pyramids? (I honestly don’t know). Do you have to be hung like a donkey to build triangles in the sand?
Personally, I suspect aliens had a hand in all of this.
Are we off topic?
*start* studying
I saw a movie about Moses once. Apparently the disadvantaged Jewish people were ordered by the Egyptians to build the pyramids. What about before religion was invented? Hmm. They definitely had their slaves to do all the work and serve them ambrosia nectar and give them foot massages and so on.
Well, think about it. Egyptians wore togas, right? Maybe they just wanted to make the statement that the pyramid on their togas were much larger than the pyramids on togas in other nations.
I have a horrific migraine at the moment. I’m seeing halos and shit everywhere so it’s hard to think/read/etc right now. lol I think this might qualify as a cluster headache. It’s too bad I don’t have any shrooms. I hear those help.
This site is more informative than PBS or the Discovery Channel. Thanks y’all.
@Lorax; Sorry to hear that.
@Beatrix; The Jews were treated very, very badly in the Bible. They’re supposed to be God’s chosen people, but they always pissed him off and He always punished them. Seems like a pretty dysfunctional relationship to me. Would you care to wander through the desert with me for 40 years? If it gets hot, I’ll bring a car door along so we can roll down the window.
That sucks Lorax. Maybe try to have a nap or something? Or you could try Binaural Beats. I’m not sure if they do any good but I have the app on my phone and it has an option for headaches.
I don’t think that’d help much. I’ve tried them before during migraine peaks and the most it did was make me feel slightly zombiesh. Binaural beats have helped me get to sleep before, though. Best I Can do right now I think, is take some ibuprofen and try not to drink too many beers – that’d just make it worse. Although if I drink way too many beers, the nausea/vomiting might distract me… there’s a thought.
@Mr. W – Wander through the desert? Huh. I’m open to wandering through the desert on occasion, but I’d rather spend the rest of my time near the ocean/mountains/forest, sort of thing. What kind of car do you want to get? I’d opt for something classic, or perhaps a Hennessey Venom GT (one of the fastest production cars in the world – that and the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport).
@Lorax Ehh. I don’t really know what to say, I usually just have Acephalgic Migraines… those do incapacitate me but at least it’s not ‘painful…
@Lorax…….that would distract you…..but the puking may hurt your head more 🙁 a few will help though….then maybe a few more……teehee
Weird… well, this time is probably the first where I have obvious and rather clear visual weirdness from it. I keep thinking I have something in my eye – a mote, perhaps? – and that’s why everything keeps going all blurry and haloish. So while we’re on this topic, does anyone have a log in their eye they want me to remove? 😮
Matthew 7:3?
If I ever have a son and he asks me for some bread, damn straight I’d give him a serpent instead. And if the kid’s anything like me, he’d be like, “Whoa, this is so much cooler than bread!”
@Beatrix; I was kidding. If we were wandering through the desert on foot for 40 years, I’d rather have bottled water than a car door. With the car door, all we could do is roll down the window to let the breeze waft through.
@Lorax; I’ve had the same kind of visual disturbance along with an intense migraine. Does it look like the blurry sort of halo thing in front of your eye is expanding?
Serpent on a Stick isn’t bad, especially if it’s teriyaki shish-ka-bobbed.
Talking snakes are the best, actually. Very rare. I think they’re on the endangered species list, but oh, how succulent they are.
@TGG: yes, a lot like that. Plus if I catch the light at the right angle, I see rainbows and they don’t go away for a while. Kinda reminds me of the first time I tried LSD and put Zeppelin’s Kashmir on the juke box at Taco Bell. Only that wasn’t so much painful as groovy, man.
@Mr W. I don’t think I’ve had enough drinks yet tonight to be able to comprehend what you’re saying…
Ever see a glass snake? I caught one of those suckers in Florida when I was 12 or 13 – his head broke clean off his body when I grabbed him, because he was stretching to bite my hand. And even decapitated, that little jerk took a chunk out of my thumb and tried to squirm away through the grass.
@Beatrix; Let’s say we’ve been ordered to wander through the desert for 40 years by God. (This actually happened to the Jews in the Old Testament). We’re wandering, it’s hot, we’re not having a good time.
God appears and says “Hey. I will grant you one wish.” I’m the first person to speak. I ask God for a car door, so that I can roll down the window and we can all cool off.
C’mon, that’s pretty good. What would you ask for?
@Lorax; Oh dear. I don’t remember if I saw rainbows, but I always find it very irritating. Usually it goes away after several minutes. I hope you took some ibuprofen for the headache and that you feel better.
@Mr W. – If God ordered us to do that I’d have a pretty hard time not strangling him the second I laid eyes on him. I’d probably ask God to go on this site and kill himself.
@Beatrix; Ok, that wasn’t very funny. I’ve read the Bible a couple of times and it takes a lot of effort to mine comedy out of there. Irony and paradox? No problem. Comedy requires more effort.
I need to hone my act. The suicidal crowd is getting savvier.
SF is driving .
AAAhhhhhh. Seattle intercepted in the end zone with 22 seconds left. This might be over.
Yeah, it’s all but over. Seattle will take this.
Hmm. I wonder which team has more Egyptians, Denver or Seattle?
I think I’m going to request coming back as an Egyptian in the next life. You know…..cause they build pyramids and stuff. Has nothing to do with the hung like donkeys part.
Migraine’s tapered down a lot – ah, now more beer can be safely imbibed.
My buddy here was happy about this Seahawks win. He predicted Denver & Seattle would end up at the Super Bowl. Yeah Seattle. Let’s go all the way, baby.
I need to charge my phone. I also need more drinks.
@Beatrix: Yeah, those were the smart money picks. Denver & Seattle.
I went with the upset and was wrong. This all could have been avoided if I had hired an online spell caster. I blame myself, really, for these losses. When will I learn? I need to turn to voodoo. Nothing else seems to work. (Although in all honesty, I’ve never consulted a witch doctor yet but maybe I need to).
I’ve been accused of practicing voodoo and dabbling in dark magic before. A few years ago, I used to watch some reality show with a friend. We’d predict which contestants would be sent home. I was rarely wrong in my predictions. I used to brag about being psychic. Those were the days…
Yeah, I used to do that with Americas Next Top Model.
I guess making predictions is hard wired into our DNA, huh? We are all born gamblers? What are the odds. Wanna bet?
Hey Wigglesworth
Been a little distracted today…sorry…but every time I got a chance to check in…your comments made me laugh. You are very witty. Are you asking me if I want to bet? Hellz ya! What are the stakes? hahahaha
@Mr W. Yeah whatever. Wanna come over and makeout? I’m getting tired of watching these other people get all the action.
Hey Beatrix
I see you made it back from your walk this morning? See anything interesting on your walk? hahaha I had a great time last night. Thank you fellow Canuck.
Love ya
Ama
I just saw these comments. Yeowza. Lemme brush my teeth first, Miss Beatrix .I’ll be right over, you can let your hands wander. 🙂
@Amakua Are you mistaking me for someone else? 😛 I wasn’t on SP yesterday. I’m definitely a fellow Canadian though, hehe.
@Mr W. Awesome. Hurry up.
BTW I left that place I was at and on the way out flinched a $20 bill I saw lying in the ATM tray. It looked really lonely so I thought I might as well give it a home. How sweet is that?!
… until they pull the ATM video and put Beatrix on the 11 o’clock news.
just kidding… 😉
Hey Beatrix
What was my question again? hahaha I coulda swore we were talking last night. Was I here last night? scritch scritch
You’re always here, Ama…
One of these days, you’ll be “SP Member of the Month”
The earth will shake when that happens…. :p
Hey DR. I like this idea of yours best of all. SP Member of the Month huh
With one exception….I am not accepting nominations…there are a lot worthier souls of that honour than moi. I’m just here to cause hate and discontent. Didn’t you hear?
all kidding aside….I am worried about Jeff. Time feels like it is running out.
@ Beatrix; Double SP wedding: Ready?
You & Me, plus Amakua and Clevername. Now there’s a match made in heaven.
Cheeses of Nazareth himself will preside over the ceremony.
Does June work for you?
Hate and discomfort, Ama? Well… I wasn’t expecting Disneyland on a site about suicide…. so I guess that’s okay. You’re not 100% hate and discomfort… 99.999999% maybe. :p
One more hour, Ama!
Hey Wigglesworth
I like June…June is good. But it is Jeff I am worried about. Whomever Jeff is. I’ve been here 2 years on and off. I don’t do this shit. Really. Ask anyone that knows me. That is what has me really freaked out. So I asked Beatrix if she saw something on her walk this morning as a test question. And now I am kinda worried.
Oh well…no more stressful than the night I tried to stop a woman on here from killing her 3 children and then herself. We did manage to talk her into a drowning rather than antifreeze shooters. I reported…I called…I did what I could. She drowned the children in the bath tub…but she survived. Now that is HELL.
Not telling you this to upset you. But I got an odd feeling about Jeff…whoever Jeff is. Do any of you guys know a Jeff? A brother, friend, someone. ai yi yi
@Ama: The Jeff Enigma I cannot solve. I don’t know.
So you’re going to marry Clevername? I think you two make a cute couple. You have my blessing. 🙂
OK, all kidding aside: I looked up 2309. Your Sun is the same as my Ascendant, and your moon is the same as my Sun. (26Feb1968 @9:42 PM San Diego, CA).
Hey Wigglesworth I don’t do astrology much myself…sorry. Not since someone told me I was born at the witching hour on the day of the dead. Sorry
I was born in 1961 at 11:56 pm if that helps you.
I am really sad. I think I did something very bad.
I can give you my long and lat in an email if you are interested sorry
Ut oh, Ama… Why you sad? 🙁
Because I can’t find Jeff DR. And I think I’ve run out of time. And I think it might be my fault. And I can’t quit crying. oh shit
You have a little time, Ama… Don’t give up! 🙂
Whatever happens, it’s not your fault… You can’t control whether others surface (or not) from The Land of Anonymous Posting. 🙂
Ama…….Jeff is prob around just watching the posts. And were you thinking of me walking last night/this morning? 2ish?
@Amakua; Don’t worry about a thing. Unless you were appointed to be a Savior you’ve got nothing to worry about. Shit happens beyond the scope of our influence, so it goes.
Please stop crying. You’re harshing the vibe.
@Mr W. Hell yeah, that sounds like a smashing wedding. I’m going to wear a purple Gothic Victorian gown. Do you want to wear a Victorian style trenchcoat? Those are so hawt on a man.
@Everybody Why is everyone talking about someone named Jeff? The LOVE guy’s name is Jeff… I’ve seen him sign it.
@Amakua Oh my god… I remember that story in the news about that women. She showed up on HERE? Fucking Christ. I never take these people’s death threats seriously but maybe I should.
@Amakua We were talking last week but not last night.
Happened in Barrie while i lived there. Not too far from my house
Beatrix
Who is Jeff?
Oh LostnBroken I am sooo sorry. Me and my big mouth.
@Baetrix; Sure, ok. What should I wear underneath the trench coat? (Besides a smile)
I am so confused about who Jeff is and why Ama is looking for him.
The guy named OnlyLOVEisReal is named Jeff… as well as JSwissman, who pops in now and again. No doubt there are others, Jeff is a popular name. What’s the story on this Jeff dude, Amakua? I’ve been busy today, I haven’t been paying much attention to the site.
@Mr W. I dunno, there’s like a whole suit outfit that goes with that. I’ll order it for you, don’t worry.
You keep calling me Mr. W. That’s very nice of you, but I’m a Wigglesworth. We can skip the formality. Are you ashamed of your last name, Mrs. Future Ex-Wigglesworth?
Just kidding. I can hyphenate. What’s your last name again?
Ama….no biggie. Lol. Didn’t go for walk-the little guy started puking everywhere…. like Excorsist style. I figured i shud stay home with him, get him cleaned up.etc
You wouldn’t be a preacher who can heal people by any chance, would you? What kind of miracles can you work? Are you actually a genie?
GoodGirl
I don’t know who Jeff is. That is the problem. It’s okay. Jeff whoever he is is fine now. He passed over almost 27 minutes ago. I had the time wrong.
I’ll be fine…I’ve called a friend. Things are just weird.
Love you Best GoodGirl…don’t tell the other kids 😀
Auntie Ama
Its past midnight…..did anything happen??
You know, reading the bible cured my migraine. But then it came back. But then I read this:
35 Now a certain man of the sons of the prophets said to his neighbor by the word of the Lord, “Strike me, please.†And the man refused to strike him. 36 Then he said to him, “Because you have not obeyed the voice of the Lord, surely, as soon as you depart from me, a lion shall kill you.†And as soon as he left him, a lion found him and killed him.
(1 Kings 20)
…and I got an idea. Maybe I can walk up to some random person and ask them to hit me with a frying pan, and if they don’t, then god will cause a lion to inexplicably eat them. That might help. Hm..
Genies are only real on TV. Preachers can only do miracles for an unsuspecting, gullible audience.
I’m outta beer. G’nite.
Ama: Jeff, whoever he is, passed on? As in he died? How do you know?
Love you too, Ama, I hope you’re okay.
Beatrix
You are right. I did not talk to you last night. I checked yesterday’s post. What the fuck? So why did I ask you about your walk? I’m flippin’. I think I might be having a psychotic break or something. I knew that fucking diet was gonna mess with me. Damn
Oh God. oh God.
Hey Amakua, it’s ok. Be calm now. Everything is gonna be alright.
Hey Ama, when was the last time you got any sleep? I agree with Beatrix, it’s gonna be alright, don’t worry.
Oh GoodGirl
I don’t want to talk about Jeff anymore. Some really weird shit is happening right now. I am a little frightened. I warned you that you might want to distance yourself from me. I am not really sure what is happening.
I have a friend coming to help me.
I will be fine
Please don’t worry your pretty little head over the likes of me. I think I just did too much. It feels like something is moving in my brain. Ama needs some rest. I think Lori needs some attention now. That is all.
Love and Light
Ama(Lori)
Just breathe slowly. Everything will b fine. Many of us have breaks from time to time. U got Beatrix n i mixed up, no sweat. And i believe you were looking for Jeff cuz he’s an administrator here and u were hoping someone might be reprimanded. You are just fine.
Goodnight…..light n love n hugs back
@GoodGirl
I got lots of good sleep last night. The sleep of the dead good. Ya know. I have been eating and drinking steadily all day. I have surrounded myself with positive people. I have laughed and loved. It was a good day. It is just when I was out this morning. Ah fuck. I don’t know how to explain it. I got the name on the wind. I told DR. about it…I think….hahahaha…..in an email. I thought he might be Jeff. More than that I really can’t say.
I’m heading out for a walk…..goodbye everyone 🙂
It’s okay, Lori, try not to be frightened. Take some deep breaths. I’m glad you have a friend coming over to help you. I hope they can comfort you. I know you will be fine. I think you have exhausted yourself these past few days and you have a lot of things going on that are hard to deal with. If you need some rest, you should get some rest.
Love and Light, Lori.
@ Apparently I was out for a walk with Beatrix this morning. That is what is freaking me out the most I think. Sorry Beatrix. What did you do with the $20. Or did I make that up too? hahaha
I’m sorry everyone. Especially Beatrix. I hope you were just fuckin’ with me about the $20…or Jeff really is gone . And it is not just my imagination. I will admit I have a great imagination…but this is beyond.
Shit GoodGirl
Got something back. You and I were talking to Beatrix weren’t we. About Niagara Falls and Justin Bieber and Nickelback. When was that? And who did we have the conversation with about astral travel and sleep paralysis and such?
…I don’t know anything about Jeff? I did take $20 because it was there and nobody had claimed it. Some drunk person probably went up and forgot to take their money.
Take it easy, maybe try to get some sleep?
And yeah, we were talking about all that stuff you mentioned.
Ama, I asked you about astral travel/sleep paralysis. You, me and Beatrix were talking about Justin Bieber and Nickelback. And you two were discussing the Falls. That was on, erm, Friday. I think.
okay…then I only lost 2 1/2 days. No wonder I was late. But how did I know about the walk and the $20 if I didn’t talk to you last night. Or did you find the money when you went for a walk on Friday Beatrix?
Okay GoodGirl,
Just gotta put the pieces back together I think. Did this conversation with you and me and Beatrix happen before or after they started harassing me? Do you know?
The conversation with you, me and Beatrix happened before you got into an argument with Clevername and WIG. The argument happened later that night. At least I’m 95% certain it did. I’m not so good with the days.
I’m not sure about where you’re getting the walk from… I think LostnBroken said she was going for a walk last night… and also tonight. Earlier Beatrix left a comment about taking the $20 from an ATM.
No, I just found the money this evening. I didn’t go out anywhere on Friday nor did I mention going for a walk.
Yeah, you and I were talking Thursday, then again on Friday on your other post. The conversation was before the ‘argument’ later.
I didnt get into any arguments.
I simply stated the truth.
That’s kind of irrelevant, WIG. I was just trying to explain to her the order in which things happened.
It’s okay ladies. Thanks for hanging in there with me and helping me figure it out.
You are right GoodGirl…I was just checking. I woke up this morning and didn’t feel “right”. I kept eating and eating and drinking to ground myself…but I think I told DR. that I had brain fog this morning. I know I told the neighbours. I asked them to watch out for me today. 😀 I’m going to be just fine. I am a stoopid old woman ya know. I forgot the important part of the ritual that Carol taught me. I didn’t get rid of the demons….not all of them anyway. But I did get a couple of bad ones. And I forgot to get rid of them. One question. I didn’t do too much damage did I?
I mean it’s not like I am a Catholic or anything. So I didn’t really have any idea what to do. And then Carol reminded me. I am okay now. For sure.
Oh shit that sounded all mystical and shit. hahahaha
I did what I told them would happen to them. I threw up. Much better now. 😀
yes , i know 🙂
First time I ever stuck my finger down my throat though…that was weird. Usually they just come up or out on their own. I really must be tired. And usually Carol is with me. This is my first time flying solo. Sorry for the drama.
@Amakua You are neither ‘stupid’ nor ‘old.’ Don’t worry about it. You’ll be ok. (:
How are you feeling WIG? Sincerely and seriously. Are you okay?
It’s okay, Ama, no worries. :] I’m glad if you are feeling better now. I am just going to head onto bed. I hope you get some rest too. G’nite everyone.
Good Night GoodGirl and thank you.
Lots of Love as Always
Auntie Ama
Jesus, go to sleep after four or five comments wake up to this? 😮
Good Morning…er afternoon Procel
Sorry My bad. Hope you are okay. I’m sorry I made a mess out of your post. 🙁
Do you still love me? I love you.
Ama
Haha the post was for ama, so do with it as you please.
i could never not love you. Your like a mother to me 🙂
Thank you Procel
That just means I nag you a lot. hahahaha
How are you today?
Love you like a son…my favourite one 😀
Ama
Who is this Jeff?
Hey jswissman
I understand it is not you. Now I know it is not you. OR anyone else on site. I know who Jeff is…and he is gone. A friend called me and woke me this morning to tell me. I apologize for my drama and for disturbing everyone. All is well.
But since I am talking to you …how are you today?
Peace
Ama
Ama nooo it would never mean that 😛 awww thanks 😀 im good. What’s going on this Jeff?
Awww Procel,
When I think how I needled you when we first met…it makes me giggle. And yet you were never anything but kind to me. 😀
Jeff is irrelevant…atleast to this forum…so leave go eh? It’s a real time thing…and I will deal with it there. Jeff is fine.
I’m glad Procel is fine. 😀
I tell you all the time I love you…at first it irritated the hell out of you…literally…ahahaha…it may still bother you…but I don’t care. What I don’t tell you enough though is….I APPRECIATE YOU. yes I do. 😀
Ama
Nothing but drunk ya mean? Lol. I must admit alot of my time here is blurry to say the least due to the drink. Haha mabye then it did but now i know better and realsie how lucky i am to have your love 🙂
Hey Procel
Just DITTO. 😀
Why cant u be my mother 🙁
Why Procel? What is wrong? If I really was your mother…I would be pissing you off a whole lot more eh? hahaha It’s part of our job description. Don’t take it personally.
Love ya
“Auntie” Ama… not Mommy Ama …got enough brats of me own. hahahaha
Cause i could steal it weed more effectively 😛
*your
Hey Procel…I think I remember how to do a super toke…but I don’t think I have quite enough hot air to get it all the way to you. Is there somewhere closer we could meet? Poor jonesing baby. If you ever get here tho….
WE are going to the church of Ama…and it is my sanctuary at the creek. Be prepared and bring your hip waders…you know why. hahaha
Haha someday in going to tale u up on that offer ama, and then ur going to have to carry me out lmao
I’m waiting Procel 😀
and as long as you don’t weigh more than 200 pounds…I can carry you. More than that I’ll just have to prop you. ahaha
Haha i think in gonna have to visit in march or something lol
What’s two hundred in stone?
shrug how much does a stone weigh and is it my stone or your stone
screw it…every must have stone.
*everyone and I just realized that I am not…I haven’t been out yet today. This is a good day.
Haha i think im under two anyway, just lol. Not out today? Lucky.
Nice post… Lets start a tax free church and live like those holier than thou preachers of LA. You know… The guys who are rich ass fuck pastors with broke as hell members… Anyways… I enjoyed reading it….
Also… Didn’t read through all the comments but I say let WIG speak freely… I may not agree with the mans message but I agree with his right to say it. Free speech means just that… Reporting him to the mods and admins is stupid he is not a troll and he has a right to be here. Let his words speak for themselves censorship is wrong… Period
Hey pain, yeah and we can burn weed as incense 🙂 i never cencor anyone on any of my posts, everyone is free to speak as they wish so long as they don’t become too derogatory to other members. While @wig’s views differ from mine it is only through that difference we learn to grow and change
tl;dr.
but from the first say 50 lines i’ve concluded some of this was thought up under the influence of marijuana.
@scarredkitty lol nope, don’t smoke weed, and i was sober too
wow. just wow. haha remarkable. on 2nd thought tho most stoners would not have the tenacity for such a lengthy thing.