I’ve never felt connected in life. I don’t know how to act round other people, and as a result of this I’m constantly fucking up, because I don’t know what to say.
I’ve always hated myself. Always. I hate my annoying, attention seeking personality. I hate how I never recognise myself in the mirror.
Nobody wants me. They don’t want to be around me.
My family just ignore me, and so do my friends. Sometimes I even doubt my existence.
I hate how I don’t stand out. Nobody looks at me. Or cares. I’m barely human.
To make it worse, I can hear them whispering, the little voices inside my head, telling me to do it, to kill myself. They’re always there, and sometimes their presence becomes unbearable.
I know one thing: I will kill myself. It might not be today, or tomorrow. It might not even be next year. But I will someday, that is certain.
3 comments
I love the title to this, explains things so much.
I understand exactly what you’re saying. How you almost feel like a ghost, people notice the pretty smart girls, but you’re just a shadow, a wall. I’ve felt like that basically my whole life. I just wanted to let you know, you’re deffinately not alone.
Don’t know what your upbringing was like, but maybe you never had care, and love reflected back to you the way every child needs and deserves….can’t know what course your life has taken…but I would believe the self hatred didn’t originate in you…So, the reality is the law of attraction rules and if you hate yourself, no one else is going to like you cause you’re not attracting into your life. I often feel like a ghost…and no one cares, but I fight for myself and remind myself how awesome I am…from an authentic place…no bravado or ego.
When you want you, people will want you,…and even if they don’t…you have you which is the most important thing. Cheers!
I got those same voices. And one out of five of us is going to take our own life at some point. But the upside is that 80% of us will actually pull through.
I think something you’ve got going for you right now is that you have the perspective not to off yourself right away.
I think another thing you’ve got going for yourself is you’re pretty self aware. (I used to be an obnoxious a-hole, and it took me a while to recognize that, but when I did, I as able to change it and become a better person.) You know what you don’t like about yourself, so you can change it.
And fuck, man, there’s someone out there for everyone. You just may not have found them yet.
Keep hanging in there. You’re not alone.