Fact of the matter is I am worried about leaving unfinished business behind. Basic nutshell, single parent, raised three kids, no suport, no assistance, no family. Struggled, adapted, overcame.. Kids grown except one. Times are harder now than it seems before. Job after job closing, laying off, housing difficulties, making ends meet, vehicle constantly breaking down.. it just never ends. I’m at the point where I feel like a complete loser and should just give up my child so she would have a better life. And then.. I really have no reason for living. I have no family, I have no love life, nor have I had one in over 15 years. My art interests nobody. I have no outstanding skills or talents, I will never be anything. I’m old, tired and just seem to be sinking further and further into despair. Everything I try, gets shut down. Can’t get a job, either I am over qualified (ie, sorry but you won’t stay here even if we do hire you) or sorry, we chose another candidate. Moved to an area where I know NOBODY thinking it would be a better life, now I am stuck here, in a bad community (poor economy, rural, desolate) with no friends and no family. Just want the pain to stop and just once in my life get a break… I’m just venting here.. couldn’t really do myself in, only because of my child. Other than that, my loss would barely be noticed by anyone. Bleah……. And please, no religious wingers.. I believe in GOD, but I don’t believe in religion.. and don’t like it pushed upon me~ get enough of that around town!
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I’m laying in bed, my middle son, 5yrs old is sleeping restlessly next to me while my oldest, 8 Yes and youngest 4 yrs are sound asleep. I think about what this last year was like. The hell I gave and that much more of it i got back…I’m in a shelter, a place I planned on spending a couple years through their transitional housing so I could finish college. That’s not happening. I look at my kids again. I go to my Facebook profile and see my “friends”. Only enough to count on one hand would sincerly care if I ended my life. Sadly, none that came to mind were actually family. My youth pastor and his wife would take my kids. So I log off Facebook and I Vito Google.com. ” I’m a single mom with 3 children and I’m thinking about suicide.”
This post came up. I sat hear and read it 4 times. You and I are different people from different places, but I relate to you and I feel like I know you. I hope you will write again so that I can get to know you.