Unconsciously, Our intuitiveness will tell us when we ready for something ( walking, drinking alcohol, moving out of parents house , getting married )
similarly, when we know we are ready for suicide?
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Perhaps. But like marriage, sometimes you find the wrong person. Like suicide, I don’t think there is ever a “wrong” choice in that. And like all the other things, we can’t take it back.
We can walk back from where we came from, we can stop drinking, our parents can accept us back into their homes, you can get divorced. Everything in life is reversible. And suicide is claiming the one thing . . . that is not. Maybe it is overlooked how big of a deal it is. And when we make that decision, it can’t be the “wrong” answer, because it takes a helluva lot to want to make that decision. It is something final, and something had to be finally wrong to get there.
I am very aware and conscious when it comes to my suicidal decisions. I feel like if I become unconscious about it, I will kill myself out of panic. And I do not want that to happen.
I had to think about the complacency/panic concept for a minute but I think I get it. I just think that checking out is something that we’ll know when it’s the right thing to do – and then it will happen without hesitation. We won’t do it to intentionally hurt others, prove some cryptic point or in some other way manipulate others. It will be right, it will happen and we won’t fail. I sort of see it as being like the animal trapped that chews its own foot off to get free; the act itself seems ridiculous until you understand why it had to do it. A useful indicator for me is if I am contemplating it and I start to over-think the situation or start plowing through dozens of “what-ifs” – that is the kind of hesitation that tells me it isn’t right.
i recently wrote a poem about this, might want to go back and look through my posts.