This might be a rather long introduction, but I think it’s necessary.
I’ve been thinking of ending it all rather frequently for the past few days. I guess it all started when I started going to college. I originally chose to major in Biology, but changed it at the last minute to medical laboratory science. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Being in college, I was a rather normal guy. I got a girlfriend and had a bit of fun (being hormone-addled, young and all). That’s when I got my first suicidal thought. We were both afraid she got pregnant. I thought about killing myself to avoid the responsibility of such an event. Fortunately, she wasn’t.
Fast forward a couple of years, I got into an internship program for my degree. It was at that time I realized I hated what I got into. I hated hospitals, I hated being in a laboratory, I hated it all. I got anxious whenever I took blood from a patient. I was nervous whenever I tested their samples. Hell, I got nervous whenever I had to talk to a patient. It’s like I live in constant fear of messing it up, of ruining somebody’s life, of making a mistake. It has left me stressed, constantly afraid, constantly anxious, and constantly in fear of tomorrow. I feel guilty. I feel like pure hell. I am too far ahead to quit my internship and shift to a different line of study. I want to just end it all and be done with it. The only thing that has been stopping from doing it is my girlfriend. I feel like she’s the only one I could hold onto in situations like these, but ever since she moved, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts a hell of a lot more. I dont’know what to do.
11 comments
Hey…u r a biology student ryt? I heard DAT cherry pits r poisonous!! Can I die f I eat dem? How many will kill me? Plz help me!
I think you’d have to ingest a whole lot of those before they become a serious threat to your health. I wouldn’t know for sure though. I’d suggest going to a doctor.
Doctor??/ cmon! M planning to end myself! Y wud I go to a doctor??
You should of stucked with biology uh….. Stick with your internship and go back to school again maybe. Or just keep going at it I guess… How old are you? Or just give up the intern and go back to school. Haha…
shivan you need like 2000 of them
Wat??? 2000??? 🙁 any other way??? I wanna kill myself….making t seem like an accident. M from India and I’ve NVR eaten cherry bfr! I thought tryn did method wud seem natural.ppl may think I did t unknowingly!!! Help me!!!!
Go find Shiva, seek out her temple somewhere in the land, far away. =)
Hey, I understand what you’re going through. I went to school also as a bio major but didn’t finish because of my depression and anxiety. I understand what it feels like to get yourself so far into something so important that’s its almost impossible to turn back; reasons being, disappointment to family, friends, and self, wasted money, wasted time, being older now and contemplating whether or not returning to school would be a waste. My mom blew so much money on me for school and I basically screwed everything up. I advise you to really think about what you’re doing, designate a pros and cons list, maybe with your gf as well as I find sometimes talking with a significant other really brings out your true feelings on matters whether they be negative or positive emotions. Suicide is never an answer to a temporary problem but for some reason, for people like us, it seems like the only answer, and the more you think about it the more upset and anxious your life will become. Have you ever sought out professional help? If you are a disbeliever, I beg of you to take some time and really consider it because it actually does help 🙂
Thanks for the input. I haven’t sought professional help, but I’ve long been planning to do so. I guess it’ll probably help. I have also been talking to my girlfriend and she’s been really helpful and very supportive.
I’m a catholic-turned-atheist, so I ain’t really looking forward to seeking strength in god’s/goddess’s terms. Your concern is, however, very appreciated 🙂 As of the moment, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, but I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, suicide really isn’t the solution here. I guess I should work more on self-confidence and stop pushing myself from being too much of a perfectionist. That is the purpose of this internship after all, to learn more and hone my skills. Thanks for everyone’s input. Hopefully I won’t have a problem like this again, but if I somehow come into another situation like this, at the very least, I know where to go. Thanks again for everyone’s help. 🙂
Her?? His temple!!
i think, in a way, Shiva was both his and her. his relationship with Parvati was so close that they became 2 bodies 1 soul.