Please could someone listen and talk to me, I beg for some understanding and logical explanation which always guided me through life.
I’m physically healthy, 36 years old woman, fairly fit and apparently ‘pretty’ – I always looked after myself with great care. I have two loving friends and a great well paid job. I have two pets which I love more than anything in the world
I come from a messed up background, but managed to live with it and cope to certain extend.
i have been depressed for over 10 years and treated with various meds. Yesterday my husband of almost 10 years decide des to leave me. Not because he has someone bit because we ‘led separate lives’ and he’ outgrew me’
I am proud and stubborn but I begged on my knees and apologies for neglecting out relationship. He was a wall stronger than a hardest steel.
I don’t want to start over. I want to end my life, I’m tired of suffering I choose to be a coward.
I just hope there is someone I could talk to reassure me.
agi
20 comments
After all you said you’ve been through, you’re gonna let something that can easily be changed or worked through do you in?
Hi snuf, thank you, feels good someone is out there and red my crappy note. don’t know why you awake, want to tell me?
I have not been through even of fraction others ex
Experienced.
I’m just tired of fighting. I
I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁 It will hurt immensely and it will hurt for a while 🙁 The initial pain may seem unbearable to you now, but please know that in time it will eventually ease a bit. I am so sorry. I have done my share of pleading in my last relationship when he left me, but it turned out that in the end, he was not worth any of my love or pleading. You aren’t alone, most people have been through this kind of pain, and it is especially hard for someone prone to depression. I know that it feels like your world is over.. but it isn’t. Right now, you must ride through the pain unfortunately. Please know that you aren’t alone.
Thank you snowmaiden. Nothing special about my case. It just that for that pain I feel is too much to cope.
I failed as a human, as a woman, as a wife and as a friend.
As a human I can’t cope with depression
As a woman I can’t feel desire
As a wife I let my husband down
As a friend, I as not there when he needed me
No one wants to start over 🙁 me either. You haven’t failed as a woman, friend, wife or as a human. It is because you *are human. I hope you can find a way to cope. I just want you to know that it does get better, no matter how unbearable it feels at the moment.
It’s actually only 10:30 where i’m at. But, i’ll probably be up for a while, depending on how this booze hits me.
Hi snuf what is your ‘poison’? It’s 5.40 am here and I managed only 4 hrs sleep in the las 2 days. Im on a heavy cocktail.. Otherwise I can’t speak my mind
Vodka’s been my go to lately, but i’ll drink just about anything.
Hi snowmaiden, thank you. I used to think of myself as a fighter but I lost this battle. Ive been researching the topic and I think I chose my way out. Just need to prepare, I’m not going to fail this time
Whatever brought you to this page, I hope you will find a better way out than me.
Hi snuf, is it ok for me to ask why you drinking?
🙁 I’ve searched and searched in the past and it only made me feel worse. Don’t search, it will only put you deeper into darkness. You said yourself you are pretty, fit and have a good job- and I know those things don’t matter to you at the moment, but you have some good things to work with- you can rebuild. I hope you will reconsider and not go through with it.
That has been myour biggest problem with depression is dwelling extremely on my past.. as if id actually be able to go back and change it.. I’m lost in the past and dwell on what could of been if i didn’t make those terrible descions.. sigh.. i need a time machine.. or love..
Yeah, that’s fine. I drink for a multitude of reasons. But, for the most part, I drink because that’s the only bit of normality I have in life. It’s the only time I can just sit back without having to think.
Think of it as an opportunity. To take all you’ve learnt over the years with your husband, all of your mistakes, all of his mistakes you tolerated, all of it. Take that and meet someone new and start over, clean slate. No baggage, no resentments. Online dating is awesome. Give it a try. Or just be single for a while. Being single is great. Hang in there and good luck!
It’s okay to not be able to cope with depression, as humans we just can’t handle it 99% of the time, thats why its okay to talk to someone, even if it’s people on here.
And if your husband of 10 years outgrew you, then he clearly doesn’t deserve you!
Like MattCSidd said, if your husband wasn’t able to help you, then he probably doesn’t deserve you. You were very strong to get as far as you have. That said, separation and/or divorce can be extremely hard even for people who aren’t struggling with depression. Anyway, it’s okay to seek some extra help from people (those loving friends and maybe a psych) to help you through this. I’m sure if things were a little better, you’d want to live, and this is something that *will* pass.
Like BlueSteel said, this could be a new opportunity to start over (in your personal life), and be who you want to be.
correction: You *are strong to get as far as you have
Agi, I’ve been spending all night online since my father just just now left my mom…..
I’m still in hysterics and confused but I found calm in reading posts and comments in forums of people on both sides going through a similar situation – leaving a long term partner/family/marriage/etc.
So many people have survived and say that this isn’t the end and that there’s a possible amazing life top be lived still after 40/ 50 /65.
I’m finding it hard to accept now that my father in my situation but sometimes my own past relationships surface in my memory and I remember how I wanted to end it, and I’ve been thinking of suicide since I was 11. And I was miserable for who knows how long, didn’t get laid in forever, or have a relationship, I want even attracted to anyone all that time I was so depressed until maybe around 4 years later I did actually met someone and it was random and I didn’t even notice him right away. Okay I’m just ranting now sorry my head hurts I haven’t slept or eaten in a couple days…just lots of smoking. I’ll stop cause I’m talking about myself but I’m trying to say that there’s hope and tons of people who wouldAgi I just read this please try to find a support group with people in your exact situation. I’m just saying that because that’s what I’m being told. My dad just left my mom and her children a couple days ago. I’m one of them. I’m shattered and I feel betrayed and I’m really scared for my mom most of all. I’m suicidal and im scared she is. And now im lost online seeing there’s a lot of people on both sides who have lost their long term partners. I think maybe I’ll try to find a good support group for my mom I could also send the link your way. But I’ve been up a couple days without eating and I need to shower for now…. love for you top share you’re sorry with them because there’s so many lost people on this planet. I’m going to try to eat but i if you want someone to talk to SP is also a good place.
Hahaa omg that’s one cracked reply I wrote. I hope it doesn’t pass moderation. My apologies, this is why I don’t write much.