Gosh, this feels weird. My first time openly admitting to my depression albeit it being anonymous… it’s a start right? I am going to rant about a lot of things. It’s your chance to runaway and I’ve never done this before so please pardon me if it’s wrong in any way.
Carying on, what has led you to this may you ask? Well, good fellow, I had a break down today. Being hit with the gobsmacking truth of my morality and my complete utter hatred for life was a fine combination for a mental breakdown. I absolutely positively despise the people around me. Family for one is supposed to love you and friends are supposed to support you. But gee golly whiz are the people around me toxic selfish self-centered assholes. My school life is going down the drain, what is the point of post-secondary education? After years of stress, this is all I amount to. I don’t even know why I’m here, I hate it with every pore of my being. Why am I letting my parents push me into this? What’s wrong with me? Why the fuck won’t my shitty sister shut her mouth about how imperfect and incompetent I am? Why can’t I just runaway? Why am I such a coward? Why do I let other people rule my life when it just makes me so miserable? On and on, do these thoughts go. I live in a cloud of constant fear, anger, hatred and anxiety. Mostly anxiety. I am always anxious. Anxious that the world would find out what I really am. Anxious that my parents will disown me when they finally see me. Anxious that I may not even see tomorrow because I might explode. Today, I almost clawed my arms out without even realizing it. The first fime in a very long time. A relapse. And as they say: pain gives man relief beyond his understanding and now I have to wear hoodies for a while even though it’s getting a lot warmer. Fuck my life. And thank you for reading this to the end.
1 comment
I’m no expert by any means, so please feel free to disregard everything I say. I have done a lot of reading on the subject of suicide and depression, and from reading your post I think that medication and intense therapy might possibly help you a bit. It won’t fix your family and friends, unfortunately, but it might give you enough space to break free from your predicament. Believe me when I say I understand how you feel about ending your life to escape. I’m in the same boat. Every day that goes by brings me one day closer to the end. It’s only a matter of time for me, as I have lost my will to live. The only question that you should ask yourself is this: do you still have your will to live? If yes, then please get help soon before it’s too late.