what have i gotten into

I am starting to realize how down hill im going. I no longer feel the hope that i use to force myself to feel. Things use to seem beautiful to me, even when they went wrong. Now i feel as though i have no limits. No limits on substances or how much pain i will willing take on to myself. I dont have boundaries anymore. i dont have any typical eating disorder but i had so much built up anxiety i was going days without eating, i was weak and sad but physically didnt want food. I have the same thoughts of the same things that are hurting me right now going through my head all the time and it’s wrecking me. When i concentrate on the anxiety and pain and sadness im feeling, i realize it’s the same thing that a woman losing her hair and starving herself and going mad is feeling, and i see myself getting to that point not too long from now. it’s the same pain everyday and it makes me crazy, i try to think of ways to fix the problems but by then im too sad and exhausted to do that, which causes more problems, and i sit and watch what i want drift away while im too exhausted to help it. Please someone talk to me. I can’t hold all of this in anymore, it’s to the point where i need a stranger to talk to now.