I am really sad. I think sad is the best word that describes how I feel. I recently went through a divorce and I’m not working. I’m looking for work and my ex husband has only paid two months of court ordered payments and has since stopped. I have not talked to him since before the divorce. He was cheating. He really didn’t want me anymore. He didn’t even try to fix the marraige. I tried to be a good wife. None of that matters. I was faithful to him and he abandoned me twice. I’m ashamed that I married him. Ashamed that now I am alone. Ashamed that during a vulnerable time in my life, I met a guy during my divorce who ultimatly lied and used me.
I have no one. No family nothing. I don’t even have love anymore. Even though I was divorcing I still believed in love and then I met that guy, who robbed me of what little I had left. He pretended to like me, care for me, etc., until I had sex with him. After that he said we shouldn’t date because he didn’t want to me a rebound. Why didn’t he say that before he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. He said he didn’t want to be a rebound but after I was divorced he would feel more comfortable. So 3 months later when I was divorced, he wanted nothing to do with me. He acts like I don’t exist. He even laughed when I said I loved him… which I did. I feel stupid. Humliated! Why would someone do this…
I don’t believe there is any kind of happiness for me here. I don’t believe in love anymore. I hate it. What a joke! Love is a liar, abuser, cheater, rapist, and manipulator. That’s what it’s been to me. So now love has left me alone, emotionally bankrupt, sad, and suicidal. I don’t see a better future here. All I see is this same crap over and over again. I feel like they won. They took everything. I’m a shell. I want to die. I’ll never have the things I want and it all seems pointless.
9 comments
Love is not a liar.
Liars are liars.
Love is not an abuser.
Abusers are abusers.
Love is not a cheater.
Cheaters are cheaters.
…
Maybe most of all, these no goods are thieves.
Stealing hope and joy.
And love.
Thanks for your message; thieves is what they are. I just feel ashamed and stupid that I was so gullible. I’m scared to put myself out there and possibly experience this all over again. I’m working on trying to heal. It’s not easy. We all experience loss at some point, but I feel like I’ve experienced too much; like a lifetime worth of loss in only a small portion of time. Eventually, I think (from experience), that when some people loose so much, they start to loose themselves due a loss of hope.
If you’d ever like to talk, I’m here. markchritopherowens@gmail.com
Wow you are going through a lot!! Emotional pain combined with financial pain must seem overwhelming. Love is not a bad emotion–it is good and what makes us Human. Unfortunately, unkind people will often use this emotion to hurt others. The Law of Karma states that those who harm other people will experience harm also ( if not in this life then in the afterlife ). Concentrate on getting a job first and getting your finances in shape. Use your energy now to fight your depression and find employment. Love will come later–down the road–it always does.
Best of luck to you!!!!
Thanks, I have been trying to focus on finding work. I am employable and with the skills I have, I can find work that will enable me to support myself. Unfortunately, I would have to work full time and continue college full time. The courses that I’m takeing devour most of my time. This is why my ex husband was suppose to pay alimony, just until I was done with college. Trying to work full-time and continue college again full-time is an issue. My courses are extremely strenuous. Not to mention that even when I find a full time job, it will barely pay all my bills. My ex made good money. Paying the alimony is easy for him. So for him to do this to me is cold. I don’t deserve this and it hurts. I’m trying not to wallow in this; it’s just hard not to.
One last thing—Suicide is not an option for you!!
Been through this mill a few times myself … a few things I learned is:
Love is not about what is said – but what has been proven through actions
Trust no one until they prove trustworthy and then only trust them in they area they proved trustworthiness – Example – a person may be responsible and trustworthy to manage money and repay small loans – that does not mean they would be a philanderer and cheat – it just means they are responsible with money ONLY (this does not include valuables/cars etc) and even then loaning money should always maintain a limit to the amounts they have repaid timely in the past – there’s a big difference between borrowing $10 and $1,000.
I’m no Ronald Reagan fan but I think one of his greatest quotes was “Trust, but verify”
No one is going to do it for you … you have to do your things yourself
Go into every new relationship with eyes WIDE open … it’s fine to follow your heart but you MUST step outside of yourself and review from an OBJECTIVE, emotionless point of view and if anything looks concerning or amiss, tread carefully … or better yet, run away!
Love is hard work … don’t believe in fairy tale love – it’s a falsehood and simply unrealistic. If Prince Charles and Lady Di could not do it (fairy tale love) with all they had, what chance to common folk have?
Change your focus from “love” to stabilization of self … love yourself FIRST. Strengthen yourself. Gain Confidence in yourself … then when you get there, take a look around you and you will see better quality people looking at you wondering “What is his/her secret to success, and how do I meet that person?”
All the best – but I agree with LoveDogs – the current pain and heartbreak is temporary and time heals, suicide is not the answer today … besides, that only gives your ex a win (if you are deceased) by never having to pay what he was ordered to pay by the courts … don’t give him the satisfaction.
divorced dawg
If your love interest does not contribute – then it is not love and hence, they should be fired
I really like your message. I think my ex thinks I might just wither away or kill myself, due to the lack of his narcissistic presence in my life. I never really considered myself a wither away kind of person, but can’t lie, especially since I’m on this site (suicide project), and say that I haven’t thought about it. For awhile, I thought about it every day and some days were worse. I feel like I’m in a long Lifetime movie with possible alternate endings. Thanks again, I like what you said about “stabilization of self,” I’m trying to work for a better ending. A least I’m still here.
Hey boxochocolates
I’m glad you see something of value in my words. We all came here for a similar reason, including me – a few years back, mine reason by and large were chronic pain, home foreclosure/went broke, imminent homelessness and to a lesser degree another divorce (minor contributor … with exceptionally limited options to resolve anything. I had/have my plan and can execute it fairly easily at any time … knowing my destitute and precarious situation I certainly didn’t feel like trying to find any relationship … but alas, the world works in weird ways and I met someone who saw me as “better” than my situation … so here I am years later – still in pain and struggling to work, still bloke but contributing what I can when I can and now living with a person who loves me for me and not the sum of my parts or bank account. It was never my intent to “give up” … and still isn’t but the debilitating pain and the red tape to obtain medical care and medications wears on a soul … but still I trudge forward.
Tomorrow is another day and each new day bring the potential for new opportunities. For me, the pain crap will likely put me over the edge at some point. But it is not this day. I do believe sincerely that if you focus on and work on YOU and it’s OK to be a little selfish, you can slog through this
battle dawg