I think about death and dying constantly. This life with all the pain and suffering  just seems to be too much for me to take. My back hurts all the time and so does my soul. I see death as a redemption.
I wish I could leave this world without hurting anyone, but I realize that´s impossible. There are people who love me and whom I love, and I know their hearts would break if I killed myself. (Still I understand that even love isn´t enough for some people to keep them hanging on.)
I guess the bonds between me and my loved ones keep me alive. Sometimes I can I feel I´m a part of something bigger, something beautiful. This feeling gives me hope and strength. I´m connected to this world, to everyone and everything.
And sometimes I can feel that this world still might have gifts to me: friends I haven´t met yet, beautiful places I haven´t visited… And I still might have gifts to the world: songs I  haven´t written yet, stories no-one has heard.
So I try to cope with my pain, depression, fear and despair, and one moment at the time I choose life over death.