I’m 17. I’m the biggest fucking failure to my family. No one ever believes me when i tell the truth about things, they always believe a lie over the truth. I’m sick and tired of feeling a screw up, im tired being a failure, im tired being talked to like im stupid, im tired of people treating me differently just because i wear “too much” black, im tired of taking the blame for everyone in the house, im tired of taking the blame just because im the oldest or because im the closest one to yell at…… I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM TIRED OF EVERY FUCKING THING!!! I HATE MYSELF!!! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE A GOOD NORMAL KID LIKE OTHERS?!?!?!?! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They all hate me i know they do. I’m sorry that i never do anything right. That i never do anything right. I’m sorry that im not the perfect child that my parents wanted me to be. I’m sorry that im not perfect like i used to be when i was little. I’M FUCKING SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t want to live anymore…..
7 comments
Good? Normal? Some people won’t be satisfied whatever you’re like. And that can make you expect criticism, which means you might see it even when it isn’t really meant. I don’t know how much of your feeling like a screw up is your own thoughts or how much of that has been pushed on you by other people. I doubt they all hate you – if they fuss and complain about you, they’ve got to care.
Have you told them you feel suicidal? Have you told anyone in real life? If you haven’t, they might be completely oblivious to how you feel. Family will respond very differently, but some families will try to help. If you think they’d take it badly, you might still have the opportunity to get professional help. Don’t go through this alone. If you want to die then I know the last thing you want to do is give this time, but try. Take this slowly. Try to get help.
Here are some thoughts for you friend:
First of all, internal family issues suck so much…. I hate when I’m blamed for something I didn’t do. It may not be easy, but tell them that it isn’t your fault. Even if they still yell at you and what not, you will feel better denying the blame yourself.
You are 17. You will screw up, you will fail, but calling yourself a screw up and a failure will not make things any better. Don’t expect things to be perfect. That is an absolute impossibility. Perfectionism in an imperfect world is something I simply cannot stand… Life isn’t easy, nor is it perfect, however, the way you perceive yourself will have an incredibly deep impact on your outlook on life…. So, every morning when you wake up, and every night before you go to sleep, think of one thing you like about yourself or one good thing you did that day (physical appearance, any talents you have, how you helped someone,etc.) and say it in front of the mirror. In time, it will get easier..
Don’t assume anyone hates you, especially if you haven’t done anything bad to them. It will make you feel worse. In fact, if you tell those people that you think they hate you, I wouldn’t be surprised if right then and there they tell you how much they love you or like you.
You wear “too much black”? Don’t worry about those people talking about your appearance.. They obviously have their own things to sort out.. If you like wearing black, then wear black.. Simple. Screw what anyone else thinks about that…
Finally, a lot of these feelings you are currently having are very much mental. You are magnifying all the times you’ve ever messed up and it’s clouding your mind.. Think of some positive things you’ve done as well (simple things like not forgetting to feed a pet, keeping your room/house clean, getting a good grade, etc).
I hope this helps, even a little bit..
Thank you
One day my son, at 17, told me he turned down his full scholarship to Drexel because he didn’t feel ready for college. I nearly had a heart attack. He’s still my perfect son, regardless of my blood pressure.
If your parents don’t think you are perfect just the way you are then they need to have their eyes fixed. Hey! It could happen.
As long as you aren’t genocidal, a wall street banker, or play the accordion, then you are OK in my book.
It’s not you it’s them. I can empathize with you, there’s nothing worse than telling the truth and people still don’t believe you, it’s frustrating beyond words, I’ve been exiled from my family for that exact reason. All I can say is always be truthful and stand your ground, don’t ever give in to lies.
Oh… and there’s no such thing as wearing too much black, that’s just ridiculous.
U r perfect just because u aren’t the ideal person or the way they imagined doesn’t mean u aren’t perfect. U r u and that’s perfect and beautiful in it’s own right hold ur head up high and tell them all F*** U I’m awesome and perfect u all r the real F*** ups here
Thanks