life is stupid. I hate myself, I hate the way I look. I know I’m pretty, people always tell me that, but there’s no one to love me. I want someone to love me, I guess like a boyfriend. I need a lot of TLC (tender loving care). I’m talented, I can be funny, but there’s no one to share it with. no friends to talk to. I hate my stupid life. public schools and youth group at church messed me up. they were all so cruel. sure, I had friends, but none of them understood me. In my own way, I was a loner inside. I told one of my siblings that I started cutting my wrist, but she didn’t care. I told another person, now they don’t love me anymore, and probably thinks I’m crazy. I don’t want to go to a mental hospital, I’m not crazy. I’m a teen who needs a lot of care. Shit, no one wants me. no one ever will. my only dream is to get married and have kids, but that will probably never happen. everyone will think I’m too depressed. I really need love, just for someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay…
I used to dream of the day when I would be happy again. dreaming of the day when I wouldn’t have to fake a laugh, fake a smile, just so no one would know what I truly am. If I live then I’ll probably be lonely all my life. I want to cry. I want to listen to songs that make me want to commit suicide. I want to cuddle up in a corner and sit there for hours crying my eyes out, wondering why this is happening to me. I haven’t cut my arm and wrist in several days, but I want to. I want to cut so badly. I try to resist the urge, because I don’t know how long I would be able to hide it. Dammit I need my knife! I just want to slit at them for hours, beat myself up for what I’ve become. I shouldn’t feel like this. it’s all his fault. I wish I never met him. he caused me so much pain. I love him, but he has moved on. what’s the point of loving if it’s just gonna hurt you. I want to love again, but I might be dead by then, and I’m scared to love again because the next person might hurt me the same way, I can’t go through that twice. damn I’m so freakin lonely. no one will read this, I don’t even know why I’m writing this. ah this is all stupid. I should try to kill myself again. maybe people would be happy. everyone has to die sometime anyway. no one needs me, whats the point of living.. oh, just to take all the pain away from my stupid, messed up self.
everyday is exactly the same…
18 comments
i read this. and i care. i’ll be your friend. 🙂
God I know how you feel. Almost the exact same ecspecially with the guy thing
hey do you wanna talk? or tell me about your story, it would be really cool to talk to you
I mean if you want to talk, if not, that’s okay
Yea sure. I’m te kind of person who hates getting emotionally attached to anyone and last year I met this kid cause his best friend was dating my cousin. We automatically hit it off started dating in like three days we were together for like three months I loved him so much I told him everything we were both tortured souls. Hated our family’s got into drugs. But it was long distance he lives on Ohio I love on Virginia. I went insane couldn’t take it I missed him so much I told him I couldn’t take it. We agreed to remain best friends until one day he flipped and said he never loved me and I need to kill myself. That when I made my first suicide attempt I overdosed. It’s a year later he hates me but I’m still madly in love with him and unknown I’ll never be that happy again
wow, I’m really sorry about that, I wish I could help you some way, all I know is that I can totally relate to you in the way about still loving the guy that used to love you, damn love hurts so freakin much, I think I’m gonna try to stay alive for a few more months and see if someone will just reach out and pull me out of this grave I’m digging, I don’t know, life is so confusing nowadays
Hells yes it is. I’ll be here for you
thanks, is that ok if we email? or would that be too personal, I wouldn’t mind talking through email, if its ok with you
Well you might end up feeling like that for a while….unfortunately life is cruel.
With the guy thing, you will not find a supportive guy, you can find practical guys but not supportive guys.
We are on our own.
No its cool but I never check my e mail I’ll email you my number but if you don’t want mento have yours then I understand
I don’t have a phone, I would only be able to do email
Ok I’ll try and check mine as often as possible it’s brokenburden94 @ hotmail.com no spaces
broke, I didn’t mean to seem like a jerk to you I apologize
No it’s ok it’s my fault you’re right o don’t know your story
@Broken, hang on a sec, I’ll email you
@Broken, did you get my message?
Yea I answered
ok awesome, I just got it, like several minutes ago, haha