Does anyone ever feel really alone ? Like they dont have anyone or that the few people that “care about you ” end up hurting you the most .. I feel alone
i used to become close to people and become really emotionally vulnerable to them. i try to shut myself off from people now, even though i have a compulsion to blurt out my feelings which is this sort of disease, a lot of people don’t like talking about their feelings.
but yeah it always ALWAYS backfired. they’d use the personal info as ammo to hurt me (purely for their own pleasure, it makes people feel good to know there are people more messed up than them). they knew all my weaknesses so they could cut as deep as they wanted and there was NOTHING i could do about it. all i could do in the end was cut them out of my life completely and decide not to care what they thought about me. i’m sick of being this freak show for people who want a nice little ego boost. it’s so hard though, to hide how fucked up i am. even if i don’t talk about it i’m sure i give it away in my body language alone.
it’s lonely, being alone. ha. but for me it was for the best. i’m not trying to encourage everyone to be alone by the way. everyone’s different.
the thing is if they are your closest friend and they know that, and they know that you don’t have other friends, they’re free to manipulate you all they want. it’s you against them, and you’ve already given them all your power because you have given them the message that you’ll do anything for them, as long as they love and accept you.
ok i can’t speak for you, or anyone, this was just my experience.
Its just hard beacause even my family treats me like that so I basically have no one and all i ever want to do is breakdown and cry .. And then theres times where i look at the mirror and tell myself you’re alone youll always be alone cause im trying to accept it but its still really painful
Yeah your not alone in this sense. Thats the reason why people come here and vent. And there are alot of really good people on here to talk to so hopefully you will make some friends.
just to let you know firefly2411 there are great people on this site who understand this a lot cordless and Hazey Day Sunflower is definitely one of them. I poured my heart in writing this so I hope i do you well in sharing the very things I rarely share. Oh yes I definitely feel the same and understand you. I had a close friend the only person in this world who knows and understands me thoroughly the only friend that I will ever turn to however even that friend after 6 years had about enough especially now when things are going so well in my friends life so that friend decided to turn there back this was about 10 days ago and trust me if that friend went ten days without asking how I’m doing especially what I’ve been going through and been through and attempted to do than I know that friend is gone it hurts soo Damn much but it gives me that much more proof that I’m not cool like them and that I’m not worth it for anybody. All I was ever good for was keeping my friends secrets and sticking up for them even when we weren’t talking after a summer that we went through.
Ive known about this site for a while and since I don’t have no one to talk to anymore at least I can ease my time with those who feel the same as I, so as shocked as I am of myself who has been socially isolated hard since summer of 2013 I made an account here hoping to help those before they reach my state. I am a very secretive and a objective person so I will never post here if I am or will end my life so I won’t go into detail about who my friend is, the age, and gender because I want to protect that friend in case I succeed in ending my misery and someone tracing this even though I went through extreme measures to seal my idenity because we all have the right of privacy however I dont have a problem sharing my pain, place and age and time of my ongoing pain because I think it’s important information to help others just like you.
Like most here I’m very serious on these Topic and it’s why my words are so powerful they can touch people because I strongly know what its like. I have a good heart and will help anyone because that’s who I am so I don’t take no one lightly who is suffering especially what people post here I take it to heart. My close friend is avoiding me because they want to protect themselves from being hurt if I ever end my life. People Are just limited it’s not their fault I am not mad at my friend I know that friend cares deeply about me so I’m happy because I don’t want to hurt that friend.
All I’m saying is you are not alone I’m 25 and have been fighting this since 17 when my world crashed from losing a parent especially with no will in the worst economic time 2008 hah go figure. I had a future but needed to drop out to support my family by cleaning garbage and in that hard process i slowly became damaged and unstable especially when I moved to CT worst place to go at 19 when you lived in the city your whole life especially when your socially unstable and having to watch the very friend who I became close with enjoy life in the way I never can because I was never given the opportunity even though I tried so faithfuly hard I never had a girlfriend in my life despite how handsome I am and the expensive Mercedes I drive(I wasn’t wealthy I saved my money hard to buy something for myself to be happy in especially since in CT automobile is a big need) however that Mercedes turned out to be a flood car and I was scammed for my money I cry a lot from that.
people are always shocked to find out I am single and that hurts me how people realize that about me I don’t know even myself why it’s just that I’m not cool enough However all my life I’ve been a loner but never cared being alone as kid sucking my thumb while on the swings watching everyone enjoy themselves or in middle school and high sschool never was invited to any school party event I was always bullied. I didn’t have a prom date so I never enjoyed it but never cared but now especially when I was 19 it began to fully get to me especially since I moved to ct especially what I went through the summer of 2013 that summer did the trick in completely ruining my life and making me like this. Be very very careful when telling your friends your secret especially about your suicide part you’d be shocked how much it can hurt when it is shoved in your face in front of everyone and that was the very friend who I am talking about who has turned there back on me despite that summer I knew a lot of secrets about my friend but I held it in, I just held my fists and I cried without blowing my friends secret because that’s who I am. I don’t ever tell anyone my secrets so this was a first and it took me some time to forgive my friend and I did because that friend understands me so well and I saw with my own eyes how much they suffered from hurting me. It was really hard. I’m still not over it. Anyways firefly2411 you should be a little happy that you don’t have friends that can hurt you anymore or blow up your spot in front of everyone. That summer of 2013 idk if it was worse than losing a parent in 2008 both are very even in the pain that I bear. Hah just be careful one minute people say they care next minute they are gone besides telling my close friend, this is the second time in my life that I ever shared this.
8 comments
I understand this very, very much!
I also have no one, and the emptiness burns like acid sometimes.
At least here, on this site, we can all be alone together, if that makes any sense.
Yeah it does actually .. Is like if there is ever anyone they always end up leaving
i used to become close to people and become really emotionally vulnerable to them. i try to shut myself off from people now, even though i have a compulsion to blurt out my feelings which is this sort of disease, a lot of people don’t like talking about their feelings.
but yeah it always ALWAYS backfired. they’d use the personal info as ammo to hurt me (purely for their own pleasure, it makes people feel good to know there are people more messed up than them). they knew all my weaknesses so they could cut as deep as they wanted and there was NOTHING i could do about it. all i could do in the end was cut them out of my life completely and decide not to care what they thought about me. i’m sick of being this freak show for people who want a nice little ego boost. it’s so hard though, to hide how fucked up i am. even if i don’t talk about it i’m sure i give it away in my body language alone.
it’s lonely, being alone. ha. but for me it was for the best. i’m not trying to encourage everyone to be alone by the way. everyone’s different.
the thing is if they are your closest friend and they know that, and they know that you don’t have other friends, they’re free to manipulate you all they want. it’s you against them, and you’ve already given them all your power because you have given them the message that you’ll do anything for them, as long as they love and accept you.
ok i can’t speak for you, or anyone, this was just my experience.
Its just hard beacause even my family treats me like that so I basically have no one and all i ever want to do is breakdown and cry .. And then theres times where i look at the mirror and tell myself you’re alone youll always be alone cause im trying to accept it but its still really painful
firefly2411,
Basically everyone is alone, even when your not, the only people that can hurt you are the ones nearest to you, except for freeway shootings 🙂
Yeah your not alone in this sense. Thats the reason why people come here and vent. And there are alot of really good people on here to talk to so hopefully you will make some friends.
daily.
just to let you know firefly2411 there are great people on this site who understand this a lot cordless and Hazey Day Sunflower is definitely one of them. I poured my heart in writing this so I hope i do you well in sharing the very things I rarely share. Oh yes I definitely feel the same and understand you. I had a close friend the only person in this world who knows and understands me thoroughly the only friend that I will ever turn to however even that friend after 6 years had about enough especially now when things are going so well in my friends life so that friend decided to turn there back this was about 10 days ago and trust me if that friend went ten days without asking how I’m doing especially what I’ve been going through and been through and attempted to do than I know that friend is gone it hurts soo Damn much but it gives me that much more proof that I’m not cool like them and that I’m not worth it for anybody. All I was ever good for was keeping my friends secrets and sticking up for them even when we weren’t talking after a summer that we went through.
Ive known about this site for a while and since I don’t have no one to talk to anymore at least I can ease my time with those who feel the same as I, so as shocked as I am of myself who has been socially isolated hard since summer of 2013 I made an account here hoping to help those before they reach my state. I am a very secretive and a objective person so I will never post here if I am or will end my life so I won’t go into detail about who my friend is, the age, and gender because I want to protect that friend in case I succeed in ending my misery and someone tracing this even though I went through extreme measures to seal my idenity because we all have the right of privacy however I dont have a problem sharing my pain, place and age and time of my ongoing pain because I think it’s important information to help others just like you.
Like most here I’m very serious on these Topic and it’s why my words are so powerful they can touch people because I strongly know what its like. I have a good heart and will help anyone because that’s who I am so I don’t take no one lightly who is suffering especially what people post here I take it to heart. My close friend is avoiding me because they want to protect themselves from being hurt if I ever end my life. People Are just limited it’s not their fault I am not mad at my friend I know that friend cares deeply about me so I’m happy because I don’t want to hurt that friend.
All I’m saying is you are not alone I’m 25 and have been fighting this since 17 when my world crashed from losing a parent especially with no will in the worst economic time 2008 hah go figure. I had a future but needed to drop out to support my family by cleaning garbage and in that hard process i slowly became damaged and unstable especially when I moved to CT worst place to go at 19 when you lived in the city your whole life especially when your socially unstable and having to watch the very friend who I became close with enjoy life in the way I never can because I was never given the opportunity even though I tried so faithfuly hard I never had a girlfriend in my life despite how handsome I am and the expensive Mercedes I drive(I wasn’t wealthy I saved my money hard to buy something for myself to be happy in especially since in CT automobile is a big need) however that Mercedes turned out to be a flood car and I was scammed for my money I cry a lot from that.
people are always shocked to find out I am single and that hurts me how people realize that about me I don’t know even myself why it’s just that I’m not cool enough However all my life I’ve been a loner but never cared being alone as kid sucking my thumb while on the swings watching everyone enjoy themselves or in middle school and high sschool never was invited to any school party event I was always bullied. I didn’t have a prom date so I never enjoyed it but never cared but now especially when I was 19 it began to fully get to me especially since I moved to ct especially what I went through the summer of 2013 that summer did the trick in completely ruining my life and making me like this. Be very very careful when telling your friends your secret especially about your suicide part you’d be shocked how much it can hurt when it is shoved in your face in front of everyone and that was the very friend who I am talking about who has turned there back on me despite that summer I knew a lot of secrets about my friend but I held it in, I just held my fists and I cried without blowing my friends secret because that’s who I am. I don’t ever tell anyone my secrets so this was a first and it took me some time to forgive my friend and I did because that friend understands me so well and I saw with my own eyes how much they suffered from hurting me. It was really hard. I’m still not over it. Anyways firefly2411 you should be a little happy that you don’t have friends that can hurt you anymore or blow up your spot in front of everyone. That summer of 2013 idk if it was worse than losing a parent in 2008 both are very even in the pain that I bear. Hah just be careful one minute people say they care next minute they are gone besides telling my close friend, this is the second time in my life that I ever shared this.