I’ve never known happiness. I always find myself convincing my friends I was happy and then the next day, I’d be depressed.
Usually, I have periods of happiness and it never lasts for a day. I just go right back to slitting my wrists, taking overdoses, and drinking.
My friend told me there is nothing stronger than the will to live. I don’t have that will? There are times when all I want to do is die. But I can’t do that because I have a fear of hell…
Sometimes I feel like rolling into a ball in a corner and listening to Adele. She usually saves me, when I’m depressed about body image or love…But now, I’m starting to wonder how long she will be able to save me because I’m getting more and more depressed everyday.
5 comments
your friend sounds like a nice person. wish i had one.
You do, Me. I’ll always be here.
I empathize with your situation. You may consider the fact that you’re really sensitive…check out hsp, highly sensitive people. There are forums you can check out that may provide you with some insight as to why you feel low.
It’s my sense you pick up on sadness around you…and a lot of it, if not most…is not yours. So it’s about learning how to read your radar so you’re not confusing others vibe with your own. There’s lots of info about it. I’m a sensitive male…and I don’t just mean sensitive..it’s like an heightened sense of awareness that needs to be managed. Do a little research, it’ll help you.
You don’t need to convince your friends your happy…I learned to simply be real and honest/truthful with myself as to how I fee at any given moment and I don’t pretend for anyone. Otherwise you feel one way, and pretend something else which is draining. I encourage you to be motivated by YOUR will/love/passion for yourself and not be pulled or led by fear (neither is bad), just one gives you one result the other…another result…..Be happy for you, not to prove to others. When you are right with you…”inside”, your body and your external reality will come into alignment with that. But it starts with you making a genuine, intention or decision to shift your being from within…everything comes from within. When that happens you will set the wheels in motion for improvement. Trust it will happen….patience. You deserve to experience happiness. Believe that you deserve it…true, authentic happiness. Stay in your heart, get out of your head….and focus on how you want to feel ….write it down…intend it, focus on it…what you focus on grows….You are sensitive and can tune into what I’m saying here….Best of luck. Cheers.
I spent most my life wanting to make people happy, and in some cases I still do. I pretended to be happy when I am miserable, most of the time because if I really told them I was depressed or sad, they’d tell me to get over it so I let it all stay bottled up.
Pretending to be happy for others, does not generate any kind of genuine happiness within yourself, I’ve been there. It may sound selfish but it’s very important. Selfish doesn’t have to be negative especially when it comes to making yourself happy by extension will make others happy too.
I learned this the hard way.
Thank you guys for the wonderful advice.
And the same thing happened to me, One of my friends even told me she would never be friends with me because I have too many problems. And thanks for that, I never really thought of it that way.