went out swing dancing tonight, one of the most positive and life affirming activities there is and i still want to kill myself.
i mean nothing to nobody and its just like, im a robot, existing, emotionless but on the precipice of tears, like there is something in me that’s like, get shit done before going to bed, and the bigger part saying, just kill yourself, kill yourself dead. it’s gotten so, so much louder in the past few days.
i feel like veronica sawyer in heathers just like been to hell and back, every fucking hour.
i wish i had someone to practice swing dancing with and sing some karaoke songs or cuddle but apparently im just not deserving of anyone in this life.
harper lee and umberto eco are now on the other side, maybe once a few more people go, i’ll go too.
5 comments
Heathers is a good movie. On the rest – I hear you, I’m in a similar boat. I don’t know what to say except that you’re not the only one. 😐 *hug*
Hello herecomestheavalanche,I have read all your posts and I wanted to reply to every one of them.But I don’t know….I mean I couldn’t find words to type in….I mean I sat there and I read all of your post multiple times and ah,it was like looking into a mirror for me.I don’t know what say anymore,everything that you wrote about is exactly the same thing I have going through everyday.I have these exact same set of problems as you described.Deep down below,I am lonely,confused and crying.It seems we are on the same boat.Well,actually there is one difference though unlike you I am not a professor working in a prestigious university.I am between jobs.But I am working on it,it has been difficult for me though with all these anxiety disorders.Anyways if you feel low again,just write me up ok…..sometimes the best things come out from the worst circumstances.
Hello herecomestheavalanche,I have read all your posts and I wanted to reply to every one of them.But I don’t know….I mean I couldn’t find words to type in….I mean I sat there and I read all of your post multiple times and ah,it was like looking into a mirror for me.I don’t know what say anymore,everything that you wrote about is exactly the same thing I have going through everyday.I have these exact same set of problems as you described.Deep down below,I am lonely,confused and crying.It seems we are on the same boat.Well,actually there is one difference though unlike you I am not a professor working in a prestigious university.I am between jobs.But I am working on it,it has been difficult for me though with all these anxiety disorders.Anyways if you feel low again,just write me up ok.
The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.
Hello herecomestheavalanche,I have read all your posts and I wanted to reply to every one of them.But I don’t know….I mean I couldn’t find words to type in….I mean I sat there and I read all of your post multiple times and ah,it was like looking into a mirror for me.I don’t know what say anymore,everything that you wrote about is exactly the same thing I have going through everyday.I have these exact same set of problems as you described.Deep down below,I am lonely,confused and crying.It seems we are on the same boat.Well,actually there is one difference though unlike you I am not a professor working in a prestigious university.I am between jobs.But I am working on it,it has been difficult for me though with all these anxiety disorders.Anyways if you feel low again,just write me up ok…..sometimes the best things come out from the worst circumstances.