Well where do i start why can fk all go right no matter how much i try it always feels like some one is pulling me bk down. i no what suicide is i have had to cope with knowing my dad did it since i was only 3 years old when he had me what sort of coward would do that but now i understand im sick of people telling me it will get fucking better bollocks when you been saying that for years. they say everything happens for a reason bollocks whats that reson then cause i dont understand it. i really used to but not no more i have never done anything wrong never even been locked up. i love and respect my family but i have lost everything time and time again whats the point in trying anymore i meant as well just get it all done over with gone forgot about whoever you want to put it i dnt care no fucking more i hate my self and this shitty life i am living everytime things get better someone runs up and kicks me in the bollocks why why fucking why if i had a cafr and a pipe it would be done lol sounds sik buts its funny im that much of a fk up i cant even afford to kill me sen or have the guts even though i think a bout it all the time at least then i could see my dad i miss him so much i love him even though he never stood around long enough to let me now why and what i should do i bet he would be able to give me the best advice ever. i love my girlfriend i have gained such much of a strong love for her three kids and now she dont love me no more i no that the kids love me. the oldest is me when i was younger he is 11 and needs a man there who truly loves him which i do so fucking much i want to make hisd life better i dnt care bout my life obviously but i would forfit my whole life to make hisd good i fucked my life up its too late for me but it aint for me. problem is i will never get that chance she will never let me i wanna be with her for ever b u8t she dnt want the same she wnt fight for us she says she wnt stop me seeing them but we all no that will change. as soon as she gets another man he wnt let me see here three kids none of them are mine what chance have i got none at all so whats the point in hanging on to the dream. i have come out of serious relationships but none of them were i was part of a family something i have dreamed of all my life. make up somebody elses life make it better than mine was i want to give him everything i never had. mainly a dad the one thing that made me cry evernight knowing i would never see mine
any way sorry for the essay
any help would be appreciated hope it dnt get to me when its too late
thanks for listening