I tried last night and I am so frustrated I failed. I’ve been failing since I was 8. I plan to try again today, sometime in the near future, because I’m just tired. I’ve managed to fully alienate myself from anyone I care about, and I’m incapable of forming new attachments or making friends. The world doesn’t need someone like me on it and already I’ve noticed any of my “friends” have already moved on or are tired of dealing with me. I can understand. I shouldn’t be bitter about it.
But I literally have no one so…I can’t keep doing this. I have PTSD for reasons I don’t want to go into, but the one person who should believe me has either been screaming at me or invalidating that anything is wrong with me my whole life. I don’t blame them, it’s not a comfortable fact, but it’s time. It was stupid of me to think otherwise. Once I’m gone, no one will ever be burdened with my presence again.
2 comments
I have my reasons to search about suicide on google, which led me to finding this site and your story. I don’t have the intention to commit suicide but I’d rather much be dead, I did not come here to tell my story but I want to give you an advice if possible.
It seems to me that you really want to commit suicide, you think you can’t make things better anymore. At that point, when your mentality is like that you literally don’t have anything to lose. Open up and make friends if you want to, go and do wathever you want to do because you can’t lose. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not degrading you but I know that you feel like all is lost. That is why i want to tell you to do WATHEVER you please to do. Do not commit suicide because you think you hurt others, it might be true but the one you hurt the most is YOURSELF.
Go out there and be a savage my friend, chase your ultimate desire and dream, risk everything in life to achieve it. Do the opposite of what THEY tell you and go for the mad goal you set for yourself. Challenge yourself into doing something epic before you leave this world. Die trying. I have no desires at all, I have become careless, I hate myself for that. I have no reason to do my best in life. But you’re worried how you make others feel, that’s not good. Forget what they think, you’ve already hurt them, they can’t hurt them more, now care about yourself.
Wish I had willpower to do something but everything seems like an illusion. I’m not a try to find the positive in everything guy. If you have ANY DREAMS unlike me, fucking go for it.
remember you can’t lose, life is a game. we either chose to WIN or to LOSE, i unfortunately chose to lose, to give up and suffer
If you have any real dreams you can give your life for, you’re lucky. I would trade everything I have for that, that’s the only thing that drives us forward.
The way I see it …everyday that I am alive I have the option to stay alive or kill myself. If I kill myself today I lose that option to choose to live tomorrow. So today I choose to see what tomorrow brings.. besides I don’t want to die I just wish I did’t live.