It doesnt matter who you love. The only thing that matters is who you have loved.
And because i loved a methed out junkie with all my heart and then got broken, and because i couldnt let go of pictures and memories because thats the only thing that was keeping him alive in my mind, im a cheating liar. It doesnt matter how many times you tell the guy your with you love them. It doesnt matter how mamy nice things you do. It doesnt matter if you go out of your way for them. All that matters is that there may have been a chance that you loved another guy while you loved him too. Even if you never talked to them. And maybe thats what i deserve.
Afterall. I was the one who looked up my ex everyday. Im the one who kept the pictures hidden. Im the one who couldnt get over it.
But how can you blame me?!?!? He was my bestfriend before anything. He was addicted to drugs and trying to get clean when he got taken away from me. I thought he would be dead anyday.
I thought id have to see “r.i.p. taylor”
And i never did and now i have no idea about anything and all i am to the man im so desperatley in love with is a liying ****.
I never meant to hurt him. I never meant to take away his trust. I want to spend my life with this man. Because hes everything i always wanted and more but im just going to wreck it without even knowing what im doing wrong.
So it doesnt fucking matter who you love. It doesnt matter who you love if you still care and worry about who you loved. I cant do this anymore. Ive been 2 months clean from cutting and all i can think about is drowning in my own blood. .
4 comments
Whatever you did to hurt him and takeaway his trust is hard for him to forget. You know what you did wrong and that’s why he’s gone. We can’t force others to be with us so just work on yourself. If he comes back so be it but don’t wait on it and live your life.
Your absolutly right. But he doesnt ever leave me. He stays and he loves me and he checks on me when i lock myself in the bathroom and he makes me food and hes so perfect but im so stupid
Maybe its not right i dont know
Don’t take him for granted. People can leave our lives. You’re not appreciating a special person in your life. When people stop feeling appreciated it is human nature to find it elsewhere. So whatever it is that’s causing you to feel that way needs to be addressed. The vibe I’m getting is he is a former love that has stuck around to comfort you which is very rare. Most times you never speak or see a former love once it’s over. I may be wrong but the way you’re so hard on yourself and his care for you leads me to this belief.