if the goal to life is to be happy?

And you cant find happyness because your stuck. Then what other way is there out? Im bipolar and have constant untrue crazy thoughts in my head that i actually believe. Its torture. Every day is like a battle. Im paraniod of the ones closest to me and honestly being alive is causing me pain. ..
I have a son and i dont want him to be affected by my mental hell. Its just not fair. He is the most gorgeous boy and i believe he deserves a shot at a good life. His dad is a pos. So im getting arrangments together in my head how to have my son protected and maybe adopted out to a healthy family that isnt struggeling. We dont even have a bed. :/ im really tired of struggeling. The only way to let my son go is to be dead. But it would be for him and for me not to be living with this desease anymore.
I dont want to hurt anyone and ive been a burden to my family my whole life.
In preperation stage just found this site – cool that some people understand.