Why are we like this? Why do we think like this? Why do we eternally succumb to this mental torture that we really want to get out of, but sometimes just can’t.
Nothing makes sense right now. What I have done to deserve something like this? Why do we live, only to die (and don’t give me that to appreciate life and how short lived it is reason)? Why do we exist, and why are some people fine (I know they’ve had their own problems but they’re at least mentally okay) and why do I feel so fucking damaged?
I was told once I just had to find the reason or purpose of existing to be okay. Because there’s a goal you want to achieve. But I don’t even know what goal I want to achieve. Call it existensial crisis, whatever. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who still know what they like (though that list is slowly depleting), but what’s the point of liking what I like in the end?
And if I do help other people, so what? Their lives, my life, will still end. Sure there’s that weird spurt of happiness, but what is the point of it? Why do I have to question everything and not just be content with my life?
Why do I have to be so fucking curious about fucking everything and why can’t I just be this ignorant little shit that lives in his own judgemental world where everything is black and white who everyone hates but in his own ignorant world, he has this at least solid illusion of reality and closed minded opinion on what he thinks happiness is.
I have a headache. I wish some religious organization would swallow me up happy, because they seem to be contented with life…and I just can’t imagine my life already carved in a special stone that tells me this is gonna be my life forever.
I want to stop thinking, and I could really use a drink right now.
3 comments
Im not sure what to tell you but I know me and you are similar , the only real thing I look forward to is the day I never wake up again, life is so hard to move sometimes
I know. It’s okay not to know what tell someone, it happens. Sometimes all we need is like some company or presence that knows what you’re going through. Like, hey, looks like I’m not the only one going through this sorta thing. Kindred spirit and all.
You just described almost the exact thoughts and feelings i have most of the time. I was thinking this the other night. The only thing i could come up with that night was maybe we are all here to learn. I have the horrifying thought of reincarnation. What if we all have to come back over and over again until we get it right and figure out what ever it is we need to learn. OH GOD I HOPE NOT! lol Or if it is true maybe this time I got it right and it will be my last time here if i can stick it out.
OK I know its a stupid thought but everything you just mentioned and all of this are the things that go through my mind when i try to sleep at night. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.