Thought I’d Give This a Try

Hello world. I’m having a challenging day, and looked to the web, looking for something to alleviate my suffering. To make me stay another day. Lot’s of folks under 25 posting out there. Its good that you have a broader medium of communication than I had when I was your age. I’m going to talk to you, because I’m tired of being alone and talking to myself.

Good news- There are people out there who care and will help. Hospitals in my area have counseling and the folks are predominantly well-intentioned and caring.

There is something greater in life. I won’t tout religion. Google theosophy, or Kybalion.

Today I will convince myself that there is a future. A bright, kind one. And no, I am not using drugs or anything.

Bad news- I’ve been there for so long, I can’t see any more. I’m 54. I’ve been depressed all of my life. I am currently in a useless job, deeply in debt with no way out, marriage is tanked due to things you would not believe. I try to support my family to the fullest extent possible, but its never good enough. I can’t get a different job, and frankly am not interested incontinuing my current line of work. There is no soul in my life.

Like everyone else, the counselors are overworked and doing the best they can. The ones I work with start losing focus after about 3 sessions, and we end up in chat sessions. No focus to help me at all. People like to chat with me.

Doctors think that if they give me enough mediciation the ‘problem’ will level out and I’ll function as a ‘normal’ person. I don’t fit that mold.

Most days I wake up and wish I’d died in my sleep.