Surrounded by the dead, or a dead person in disguise among the living, just waiting. I’m starting to think that in one of my timelines I had died instead of surviving and that’s why I don’t feel like I truly exist. It’s like some of these other parts of me have died already, like a part of me exists in a spirit world and I am semi-translucent here. If I have already died then I don’t feel like the me that exists now, the one that survived, exists as a whole person. If hell is just the last of seven stages into sadness (this is a more spiritual eastern interpretation), it’s an interesting idea. When people who commit suicide are just truly so sad, the chemicals flood their brain, and that last moment is relief or an eternity of sadness we will never escape?