1. Are they degrading you?
Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. At least, not for very long. When I did poorly, there was nothing worse then that. It became my everything to try and do better, if only to stop the cracking whip that was her voice. When I did succeed, there was brief praise, then an expectation. If you raised the bar, you better not fall below it again, or you’ll find it cracking you on the head. it didn’t really matter though, because “you’re not really good at anything are you?” When I tried to speak up, I was beaten down. “Stop being such a drama queen!” My feelings were wrong, I was wrong.
2. Are they dominating or controlling your life?
I wasn’t allowed to do anything unless she said it was okay. From the food I liked to the friends I made, all of it, was hers to decide. The freedom of choice was ripped away from me, and sewn in it’s place was her will. Once that was done, out of sheer cruelty, she asked me what i wanted to do. not because she wanted me to choose, but because she was supposed to ask me, according to the rules of the world.
3. Accusing and blaming, do they struggle to laugh at themselves?
There was no wrong that she could ever do. To put it simply, if she ever were to hit me, she’d probably blame me for hurting her hand. Her words are like twisting, oily blades that seek to stab you in the throat so that you may never speak against her again.
4. Have they ever neglected you?
The problem with physical neglect, is that it shows. Emotional neglect however, hides itself. “You failed another tests?….” She wouldn’t speak to me for days. I was 8 years old.
5. Do they treat you, not like a different person, but like an extension of themselves?
Hand in hand with everything else. She was my decider. She wedged herself into my life and didn’t see me bleed.
The video these facts are from was shown to me by my dear friend. That she was able to see something so clearly after only knowing me for a few years, yet I, who had lived with this was blind to. Well, the nature of what’s happening prevents me from seeing it. So it’s good to have an outside opinion every now and then. I now know that I am living with a severe case of emotional abuse. Understanding this, however, has brought no comfort. Just as one would gain no comfort from being told that the illness that has pained them has a name. Knowing, doesn’t mean curing.
Small triumphs give me brief spans of what I think is happiness. But then I remember what is still ahead of me. Decisions that mean nothing to me, but determine my future. I don’t want to choose. I just want out.
Maybe this video can help you more than it helped me.
Source;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5fw-IT_phU
3 comments
Are you under the age of 18? Is the person to whom you are referring your mother or another legal guardian? If so, unfortunately you may have no choice but to deal with it until you are 18 and can leave to live on your own. If you are already 18, try to work and save up so that you can move away from that toxic environment.
People become accustomed to treating us a certain way and they won’t stop until we stand up for ourselves, and even then, for the sake of our own mental, physical, and emotional health, we should still cut those out of our lives who don’t give us the respect we deserve – and also be mindful of how we act towards others. Some folks are always disagreeable (they’re the type to walk away from, even if they’re family), but others only seem ‘unkind’ when they feel they’ve been mistreated and want justice. It’s better to be the latter than the former – be cordial, polite, and respectful as often as it is warranted, but when you’ve been treated unfairly, don’t be afraid to speak up, confront whoever wronged you, or even contact local law enforcement authorities/social workers.
Best wishes, and be safe.
If only it were that easy. I’ve had six years to wonder why I haven’t left yet. It’s hard to explain, but it was said better in the video.
I am doing what I can though. And if things get too rough, I have somewhere I can go. But I wouldn’t be very well off there either. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I’ve put up with a lot in my life, and one of my biggest priorities is making sure I don’t have to put up with any more. I keep my head down and voice quiet because I know of the well…. shitstorm I’d have to deal with otherwise.
I’m biding my time at this point, and trying to drag myself along as best I can. My biggest issues are money, and education. I need one for the other. I just don’t know where to start the loop, because it would mean giving up what little I have of both.
Can you apply for school, and when you’re accepted request a student loan in order to pay for tuition, books, and your own room/residence?
Sometimes you need to just start doing things in order to “get the wheel turning.” If you do nothing, nothing will happen, but when you start taking chances and stay open minded, opportunities will begin opening up for you.