Feeling empty

I feel like….. nothing in total. I am empty. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel happiness or sadness sorrow or stress. I am empty.

Sure when I am around of my family/friends. I act like I am ok. But I am not ok. And I am not bad either. I just, don’t know how should I feel or hows should I act.

It is like there is huge hole inside of me. There was one day when I wanted to tell all of this to someone. My parents or friends. But then that feeling was gone and I didn’t tell anything to them. Just ignored the subject and continue to act like everything around me is flowers and fucking rainbows.

But acting is hurting me too. It is hurting me to put on a mask and shot fake smiles to everyone. I used to be the happiest person when I was little. But I am not little anymore. I am growing up and it hurts.

It hurts. It hurts to grow up