My first post here, so please don’t hit me! 🙂
I’ve got a long story, not sure how much to share or how much y’all want to hear. Â In a nutshell, I have justified, in my mind at least, that suicide is the best way out for me and my family.
I’m a 39 year old married man, father of 3. Â On the surface, my life is perfect. Â Under the covers, however, it’s not. Â I’m having an affair, have been for nearly a year and a half. Â One of my role models (father-in-law, wife’s dad) passed away 5 months ago. Â I switched careers and it’s not going well, financially. Â I’ve recently become very depressed and my only desire is to get out of my marriage since things have progressed with the other woman, dramatically, making me realize how my marriage has never been rewarding. Â We (me and other woman) have a very strong bond and my wife realizes I’m ready to leave, so she’s panicking. Â She doesn’t know about the other woman, but has hinted. Â I’ve just explained that I’m going through a mid-life crisis and don’t think we are the right ones for each other, and never have been (there’s history to this, btw).
Anyway…I struggle daily. Â I have zero desire to engage with anyone. Â I don’t care to. Â This week I even went and attempted to buy a pistol at a pawn shop (scary). Â Oddly enough, 2 of the ATM machines were out of cash and the 3rd locked my account from the previous 2 attempts. Â I cried and drove around after that.
If I leave my wife and kids, they will forever hold a grudge and I will forever be “THAT GUY” who fucked over his family, selfishly. Â If, however, I commit suicide, they will be hurt, yes, I know, but they won’t hate me forever and they’ll at least get a financial windfall from my retirement accounts and life insurance. Â I’ve always joked that I’m worth more dead than alive, and now it’s looking like a reality.
Good times….
5 comments
Welcome to SP. I doubt any virtual hitting will take occur, SP is a good place to air your problems and just to vent.
Well, what about you go through with a divorce? It is possible to divorce someone amicably, not everyone one of them ends up a train wreck. If something doesn’t work out, it just doesn’t work out, you won’t be “fucking over your family”. Offing yourself is definitely not the most ideal solution in this situation, or at least in my opinion. You’ll be leaving behind your family and the other woman, which from the way you describe things will take it extremely badly.
Sorry, “*hitting will occur”.
Your family may hold a grudge. Or they may get over it, in time. Think a lot of that depends on how you handle the split.
If you kill yourself, I’m guessing they’ll be devastated. They may well feel a lot of resentment towards you for doing that to them. I’m sure that kind of trauma outlives what might happen if you just got a divorce.
I think if you gave them the choice your family would rather have you alive and living with another woman than dead.
Have you gone to marriage counseling? I know you feel like you have a connection with this new woman, but you mustve felt that with your wife before. Isn’t that why you got married? I don’t know, maybe it’s past the point of trying to work things out. But your kids will definitely be screwed up for life if you kill yourself
I had sought out counseling years ago alone, then finally persuaded my wife to go to a marriage counselor. We went to 4 or 5 sessions and it ended badly….where I was quite sure the counselor was like “WTF just happened here….”.
Anyway, counseling didn’t work. I’m actually set to see a new counselor on Monday, so that’s good. Interesting. We shall see.
Bottom line, the connection I have with this new woman (18 months now, btw) is way different than what I have/had with wife. With wife it was an “expectation” to get married, have kids, have a house, dog, etc. It’s all about the the social impact. With the other woman, it’s more. It’s different…
Yes, I realize this is a common theme… but, to me, it’s not common.