Hey. I am still going to try and kill myself tonight around 7. I was just wondering if anyone wanted to talk for a bit before I do. I don’t want anyone to try and stop me or tell me I shouldn’t do this. So no responses like that please. I just feel like talking to someone who knows what it’s like for a bit before I go and do it. Just have someone understand and wish me luck with it or something.
~Thanks.
44 comments
What time zone are you in?
What time zone are you in?
I don’t know you in person , but i do truly know how you feel and as much as i do wish to tell you to stop and maybe help each other with this need of suicide , i know you wouldn’t listen … if you decide to do it , i wish you peace and i want you to know i am proud you survived until now and if you reconsider and want to talk , here is my e-mail , Lucyuplay @ gmail . com ( without spaces ) . I hope i am not too late …
Thanks for that. I don’t plan on doing it until 7pm tonight. It’s only 3:39pm where I’m at right now. So I still have about 3 1/2 hrs until then.
i meant to not do it at all and reconsider , you want to talk about something ? want to share some memories with me ? i would love to listen
US timezone. It’s 3:34 pm right now where I am.
To BL98: Thanks, but there’s only one person who could make me reconsider, but he won’t. I’ve made up my mind and I’m ready to go. I’ve been depressed all my life and suicidal since I was ten. This has been coming for a long time, everything that happened this year just finally pushed me over the edge. I got out of an abusive relationship, I lost my college grant, and the one person I needed and thought would always be with me, just gave up on me and wants to leave. There’s no room in his life for me. The guy I’m in love with already has a kid with another girl, and I always dreamed of being a family with him and his kid. I’m pretty sure I can’t have kids, so I just always wanted to help him raise his…but he doesn’t want me and he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.
well i understand you , but you really seem like a nice person , and someone would really want you in his life , to be honest , if i wasn’t a person without a future , i would like to share my lonely road in life with you . I really hope you find peace in your own way and thank you for finding time and talking to me , sharing these thoughts with me .
No problem. Thanks for talking to me. You seem like a really nice person, it would have been nice to have known you in person. You seem like someone who I would have been friends with. Tell me about you, I want to know something about you too.
hopeless95 , ask anything and i will answer
Tell me why you feel depressed, like what I told you. Just tell me about yourself.
well , i pretty much have no future and i didn’t even had to begin with . I was born paraplegic , i have several mental illnesses , including ADHD , anxiety , personality bla bla bla . I don’t know , i feel really empty and i really don’t have any purpose . And i have like a few weeks left myself until i kill myself , therefore my early comment .
I’m curious, how do you plan on killing yourself? I’m sorry about all the hardships in your life. But I know how you feel. You seem like a really nice person, I wish I could help.
hopeless95 , i don’t know how you could help but my only dream was to make someone happy , even if it is only one person , a stranger , does not really matter , because this way i might have a purpose , that’s why i told you i would want you to reconsider … It’s sad when good people like you have to die …
Thanks for that, but I’m not all that good. I just end up ruining everything good in my life. I have too many problems. It’s my fault he doesn’t want me anymore…and it’s my fault I can never have him back. I just hate myself, completely and utterly. I appreciate what you are trying to do, I’m sure you will make someone happy one day, but there is only one person who could stop me…I just hope everything goes as planned tonight, and that I can actually do it. My anxiety usually fucks me over and I just hope it doesn’t this time.
may i ask how old are you ?
I’m 21. How old are you?
I’d love to talk to you. What time is it there with you now?
It’s 4:46pm. So, I have a little over two more hours…Where do you live? How old are you?
I live in Europe, France. I’m 18, turning 19 in a few weeks. What do you wanna talk about?
hopeless95 , you really have a lot of time ahead , you know ? Someone once told me there isn’t only one love in your life , like an advice after being dumped out of an relationship that lasted 4 years ( with the person that i ran away from home , so you can tell how much i did care about her ) . I would like to give you the same advice . And i am almost 19 .
There is no one else for me. I know that he is the one, but I’m not the one for him. I don’t want to live to see the day when he falls in love with someone else. I don’t want to see him be a family with anyone else. This is what’s right for me…I just need to do it.
so at this point , how do you intend to do it ?
I have some charcoal and a stone fire pit. I am going to light it up, let it burn for a bit, then when the charcoal is just smoking red embers, I plan on putting the pit inside my shed and closing the door. With the size, the smoke should kill me within 20 minutes, if I do it right. I’ve done my research. This method is 71% successful, with only a 29% chance that I would survive. Statistics of people who have survived, 80% suffer from severe brain damage, and 20% come out completely fine. I hope that this will work and I will just die. But if I survive with brain damage, I hope no one finds me long enough that I either die of thirst or starvation. And if I am unlucky enough to survive completely unharmed, I’ll just climb the highest thing I can find and jump off. Either way, I will die.
I wish I had your courage, but I am really concern about my family. I think my grandma and my parents will suffer a lot. Do you think about your family?
The only family I have left is my mom. My dad died when I was 14. I love my mom, and she does her best. But I am nothing but a burden to her. I can’t keep a job because of my fucked up mind and moods, she is getting older, she doesn’t need to take care of and support me. She needs someone who can take care of her. With me gone, her brother and some of her other relatives can take care of her and she can just focus on herself.
To Snader: Tell me more about yourself. Or ask me a question, either one.
I have already thought about charcoal method but the risk of brain damage is too high. Think about it. Your mother will have to take care of you forever.
If I survived and had brain damage, it would only take me about three days to die of thirst. I’m pretty sure no one would find me before than. I’m just so tired of living. Anything would be better than this.
Hope if it’s okay if I join this conversation. I don’t know how to respond to your suicide intention, because I really hope you won’t do it, I would want to tell you all the cliques about life getting better but I am yet to experience life getting better myself.
So instead I will just say hi. I am 20 so only just a little younger than you. I’m here for you if you want to talk, or even if you want to talk about something completely irrelavent, go ahead! It’s nice just to talk to new people, people who understand me and my messed up mind too! x
Thanks for the comment. I have about an hr and a half left before I leave to try. I am so tired…I hope I don’t pass out again before I leave. I don’t really know what to talk about. If there is something you want to ask, just ask. Or tell me more about yourself. Either or.
These pain pills I took for my back are making me so tired…I am trying so hard to stay awake to do this. I have to do this tonight. I can’t put this off anymore.
” Anything would be better than this.” I feel exactly the same way. My life is so crap. But When I think about my family I just can’t. I can’t move a muscle, I can’t leave my bed, I can’t talk with anyone.
Don’t you think about the person who is find your body? And how your mother will receive the news? I dont know about you, but This questions freaking me out
My mom knows about my depression and suicidal history. I told her recently, the other day in fact, that I have been suicidal lately again, and that some day soon I may not be here anymore. She is sad, but I think she understands just how serious this is. She knows I will not go to a hospital, and she is doing her best, but I told her that sometimes things just happen and sometimes depression is just too much to handle. I know this will hurt her, but I can’t take hurting anymore.
I sincerely wish you get better. The worst thing in the world is feeling like this. If I was around I stay with you to talk. Good luck my friend. Please, if you dont do it let us know.
I’m hoping I will be able to do it tonight…but if something goes wrong or I can’t, I’ll make another post and just try again. Nothing is going to change, and nothing will get better. I need to do this…I wish I had a partner or something to do it with me, to actually keep me motivated to do it and not back out because of my anxiety, but I don’t have one. So, I’m on my own with this. I just have to keep telling myself that I can do it, and that I need to.
Hello Hopeless95
My apologies for not following your guidelines. But if you are looking at a 71% success rate and you’re referring to your “departure” as a “try” then you are not ready. An “attempt” would only make your life worse. Don’t get me wrong. I am a proponent of legalizing suicide.
But in your case, your language and your method tells me that some where in your heart/soul, you know you have unfinished business. Please do not make an attempt this evening.
There are so many avenues to content and quite a few to happiness too. You’re 21 yrs. old and it sounds to me like you barely peaked down one. Please don’t make a miserable situation worse with 29% failure rate attempt. Please.
My heart sunk when I read this, especially as you are only a little older than me and I sincerely hope you don’t do it tonight as in your post it’s coming across like you are doubting yourself and your ability to go through with it which puts you at a higher risk of not being thorough and resulting in something going wrong. I would hate it if that happened to you because you seem like a genuine, lovely person. You deserve to find someone who will really appreciate and love you. You don’t deserve more pain no matter how fleeting it may be.
I agree with you here. When I had these feelings and thought I too would come up with ways which purposely had failure rates, which only highlighted to me the fact that I was not actually 100% committed to dying, which actually helped me push on with my life. I too am only a little younger than this woman. Just want to reply because you make some valid points and I respect you! 🙂
it’s only really if you say things like “if i go through with it” – that should be your first worry. The thing is, everyone is different and of course people will be scared of it. it’s a hard situation when you want to die but are scared of either the pain, doing it or what will happen after so i guess i understand the doubting.
Thank you i appreciate that. I’m so happy that you were able to push through and you will see that there will be good days sometimes. I feel as if a lot of us here understand, we just say these things which may be interpreted as trying to stop a person but really we just wish others didn’t have to suffer in any way, or at least that’s how i feel, especially when you all seem like the good people in this world . 🙂
here here 21 is young. You have time to come up with a better plan. In the mean time why not read a few books, try to make a few changes. give yourself the chance you so desperately want this guy to give you. May I suggest The Synchronicity Key by David Wilcock
Take a breather from this faulty plan… there’s always time for suicide…
later
After so many years I have realized that there can be literally ANY reason why somebody may want to die. There are many who are paralyzed but are still living, and then there are people like us (me included) who just don’t seem to want to live because life isn’t worth living (and it really isn’t worth living)
Well whatever, I think that if you’re so motivated then go ahead with it. I think that maybe death will free all of us.